It’s my birthday. It’s 1am. I want to cry. TMI warning! I went to the gyno yesterday with a friend to get a lump checked out and my doctor confirmed it was just a harmless cyst (than god). Only after leaving did I realize that I forgot to mention another issue I have down there... and now I feel like crying. She didn’t look/feel inside me, which is where my other problem is. I’ve put my finger inside myself before and felt like— idk how to describe it— it’s like a a roundish, flesh like “ball” in my vagina? Like I can push my finger past knuckle deep because it feel like there’s a wall or something in the way. I think it’s my cervix since it’s been there for as long as I can remember and changes based on my cycle... but I’m nervous it’s a tumor or prolapse (even though I’m now 19). I’ve only had one other doctor “look” inside my vagina, and that wasn’t with a speculum but she said it looks fine so idk. I’m just so fucking mad at myself for not bringing it up while at the doctor. It took so much strength to go to this appt, and I did it but now I just feel like a moron and I don’t want to go back again I really don’t. I called the office and said I wanted to get into direct contact with the dr and tried to explain my problem to the receptionist but they just sounded rude and confused so I’m embarrassed. I don’t know what to do at this point besides that, because the only other person I can talk about with this shit is either my friend or my sister. My friend said I should go again just in case but it’s probably not a big deal, and my sister just thinks I’m crazy. If I do have to go again, is it safe to wait another year just bc I’ve been dealing with this “problem” for about 6 yrs? It’s never caused any difficulties for me besides not being able to stick anything up there :/// I really just thinks it’s my cervix but idk it doesn’t feel completely round it feels kind of like the shape of what a blimp looks like (obviously not that big lol). Anyways this rant has been way too long but yeah I feel completely isolated and alien, don’t wanna tell my therapist cause it’s embarrassing/confusing, and I truly feel like no one understands me and that I’m probably gonna die from fucking cancer or something!!! I hate my birthday already :) oh and to top it all off— intrusive racist and incest thoughts!! Day couldn’t get better

mimimi

Date posted: 4y

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY you deserve a day of happiness and love no matter what your thoughts are tricking you into believing or manipulating you into doing! I am sending lots of love and support your way ❤️❤️ Now, secondly it’s really important you do not beat yourself up over this because at the end of the day you forgetting to mention this to your Gyno is not the end all be all, you could call your doctor right after the appointment even if you need to, the time limit to be rechecked never ends. I would for sure give her a call, or schedule another appointment and to ensure you do not forget, write it out or set a alarm on your phone. Remind yourself that this OCD is always going to put negative irrational thoughts into your head, and with these thoughts there is no evidence to support it, and until you get proof OCD will thrive off of that uncertainty. I am wishing that this gets checked up on throughly and in a timely manner, and I want to let you know that this is in no way embarrassing because this deals with your body and health, which should always be taken with complete seriousness regardless of how uncommon the matter may seem. I am here for you, and again as a reminder this is YOUR day, and I wish you a very happy birthday with much apology for the distress this OCD is causing

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

Thank you! And should I bring this up with my therapist first? I feel like it’s one of this instances where I go to the dr for a problem, get it checked out and then I’m worrying about the next thing and need to keep seeing the dr just in case... I don’t this is that big of an issue, so I don’t really wanna go back so soon :(

mimimi

Date posted: 4y

@worryqueen This is a great question, and I’m really glad you are aware of the compulsion pattern, that’s a really great step in the right direction! I would confidently say definetely see the doctor for this concern BUT convince yourself of a new intention, the intention is that you want to ensure that your body is healthy you are NOT going with the intention of ruling out some tedious disease or illness, because that is the OCD talking. However, for sure I agree that you should also discuss with your therapist about these compulsions because they can definitely have an impact on your daily life

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

Update: I spoke to my therapist and she said I should NOT make another doctors appointment. She thinks it’s just my ocd, especially since I’ve had this “issue” since I was 13. I didn’t give her any specifics but I just told her it was a bump I’m worried about— which isn’t a lie.

Freemeofocd

Date posted: 4y

I’m sorry you’re struggling. I would just set up another appt and explain the specific issue that you want addressed! No biggie ☺️ best of luck and wishing you well!

Freemeofocd

Date posted: 4y

And happy birthday!!!

21816ogeid

Date posted: 4y

You should call again make an appt and explain your concerns, so you can know whats going on hope u are well and happy birthday wishing you many more!!🖤🖤

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

Why should I make another appointment though? I really don’t want to go again :(

MimiK

Date posted: 4y

Happy birthday!! Try making another appointment. Or if that is too much, you could always try a new doctor so you don’t have to go back :-)

worryqueen

Date posted: 4y

Thanks! I’m like 80-90% sure it’s my cervix so idk if I should make another appt

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