What is your worst fear with HOCD/SOCD? For me, it is that if I’m a lesbian that it means I can’t be with my husband or that I’m not being true to myself. Those are both things I really value so it makes sense. I don’t pretend I’m 100% heterosexual and I’m on the spectrum, as I think most people are. It is the idea that I am 100% lesbian that causes me endless distress.

pureolife

Date posted: 4y

Sounds like you have a great insight into the core of your fear. And writing a script where those things came true could be a great erp exercise! Re reading it for a few weeks could help with your treatment.

dragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Very true, yes!

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I could have written that, it is exactly how I feel! I also don't pretend to be 100% straight and that's fine, but I fear that one day I will realize that I am a lesbian, that I have been living a lie and have to break up with my boyfriend. That everything will be taken away because I have been in denial. Stories of late bloomer lesbians trigger me so hard, as their first realizations, questions and struggles sound so similar to the fear and despair the thought of being gay causes me...

dragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Yes, I totally relate to everything you said as well. It is so tough!! It does feel better to know that I’m not alone in my experiences, though :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@dragon_calves It does indeed! Deep down I know that I am not a lesbian. That doesn't mean that I don't get attracted to women at some degree, I always appreciated female beauty, admired and wanted to be friends with older girls as a teen and just tend to look up to women more than men. I don't claim for sure that I never had a girl crush it might as well be that I did, but why should that have to be something so terrible, something you have to blow your life up if you don't feel that anything is missing? For me it was always clear that sexuality doesn't have to be clear cut, but these intrusive thoughts tell me that it HAS to be 100% one way or the other and if I can't be sure that I am 100% straight than I have to be 100% lesbian.

ihavehope

Date posted: 4y

My fear is that deep down I am gay or bisexual and I am in denial. I am also scared that I will never look at men the same way or get married and have an amazing connection with my husband. It’s terrifying.

dragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

I get that! I would hate to live a life of denial. It is such a scary thought. To be 95 years old and feel like you’ve wasted an opportunity to be more satisfied...

Esosa

Date posted: 4y

My fear is that I’ll never have a relationship with a man and that I’m lying to myself and that I might lose respect from my family for being gay/bisexual

ihavehope

Date posted: 4y

yessss

stop.

Date posted: 4y

My fear is having to come out. Like I feel like it would be so stressful and I could never handle it. I’m like you and I acknowledge that I’m definitely on the spectrum; most people are. I just can’t cope with the idea of having to come out if I was a lesbian.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I understand that. For me it is the being unsure. I think if I knew for sure that I was a lesbian and that it is what I want, then coming out would be manageable to me. It would be terrifying but I know that I would be supported. But with this uncertainty I feel so stuck inside my head and I cannot tell anybody (except my boyfriend), because I am scared that they don't understand or that they won't believe me. I don't want them to get concerned that my relationship is in danger. I am scared that if I tell them about my fears that they will become true ..

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