Am I the only one who feels everything in life is just so dumb? Like I just don’t feel the way I used to feel about things anymore and just don’t give a shit about nothing anymore. I mean I just want therapy to see what I like and what gives me meaning in life cuz I’m pretty sure the therapist I saw today thinks I have some intent to end my life and hurt others but I’m like and?.. is that a bad thing? It’s not like I care about anything anymore. Everything I do is just pointless don’t see how me thinking about ending my life is any different than how I feel about life. I mean it’s not like any therapist I’ve met care enough to show me what I actually care about anymore or what gives me meaning in my life. I try to meet with therapists to show me what I care about but they end up not responding to my emails or return one email and not get in contact with me so it makes me just not give a shit if nobody else does.

I try but it just seems I’m interested for a second and then nothing. I’m on an antidepressant but yet still find myself only being interested in things I used to like for a little bit and then back to feeling nothing.

@Issac11_fitforlife Have you talked to your doctor? Also motivation isn’t a feeling that just stays, you have to invest yourself despite how it feels.

I don’t try to not like nothing I just end up doing. I try to do things I used to do but I end up giving up on it for a bit. I don’t know if it’s cuz of HOCD or the weird thoughts that pop up when I’m around a chick or ROCD to where I see a chick is interested and me just rolling my eyes cuz they only think I’m worth dating but I’m not. No chick likes being a with a dude who eats healthier than them or is more organized and more peculiar about how things go and how to go about the day. So it’s like is it even worth being good at things if you’ll just be alone the whole time with no one to make you happy while being good at those things?

@charleejadeg I don’t have a doctor. I have therapists that I’ve cussed out cuz they don’t want to do any sort of therapy to help me stay motivated or see what’s actually holding me back from being all I can be.

@Issac11_fitforlife I think you should try out the therapy on this app. I think it would benefit you so much, they are so caring and understanding and it’s relatively not too expensive. ESP if you have insurance. I sometimes struggle with these thoughts and often times I project them onto others around me, and the world around me. The second you stop doing things bc OCD makes it hard or uncomfortable etc. then you’ve given up trying. It takes tons of effort for recovery and it takes wanting it, for it to happen. And I’m certain there’s plenty, I mean plenty of women who would be interested. Ya gotta change your perspective and accept this uncertainty.

@charleejadeg I guess you’re right but still though I’m in a rut now and I just feel like no one is on my side anymore and I just find myself not caring about anything anymore. Sometimes I get myself to go out to a bar but most of the time now I just stay home and not do anything cuz I get irritated when I have to find time for things that would normally wouldn’t be apart of my day and I just give up on the day and go to bed and chill the rest of the day being depressed.

@Issac11_fitforlife :( I’m really sorry to hear that. It sounds really tiring. What are things that you could do to help you feel better? I also want to say that a big component of depression is rumination. So just try to resist those urges. Again, I’m truly sorry to hear you’re in a rut. I’ll be sending prayers for you (if you’re comfortable with that). Is there anything I could do to help?

@charleejadeg I could workout again. That’s pretty much all I can do. I have to get an appointment for a psychiatric evaluation and go from there. I’m not sure if I have psychotic disorder or not but if I do then they’ll give me medication for it but I was adamant from the beginning I did and a psychiatrist and psychotherapist shot me down on that and told me I just had OCD but now they’ve changed that stance so we’ll see.