I'm afraid to order a video game console because when I get it, I worry that I'll need to smear soap across it's screen in order to do therapy properly. And because I feel like I'll need to do that, I'll start to wonder if I actually have smeared soap across the screen. Basically I fear that if I buy a video game console, I'll need to smear soap across it. If I don't, I won't be doing ERP therapy properly. I'm in a lot of distress, not over a video game console, but just what I'm supposed to do therapy wise if I were to order one. I know it sounds like first world problems and it really is, but it's not just a video game console, it's everything. If something bothers me, I automatically feel like I need to expose myself to it until it no longer bothers me anymore.

Thanks for the advice :). I'll try to do this, as I agree it's probably the best thing I can do for myself. I find it's really twisted in that OCD is taking therapy and using it against me. It's like I want to do ERP and face my fears, but at the same time I don't want to overdo that and begin to live my life doing things backwards. It's where to draw the line that gets tricky, how far to take exposures & knowing when to carry them out.

I'm sorry you struggle with the manifestation of the disorder too. I agree it feels like I have to expose myself to the content, which is where my problems arise. Maybe I need to just let the thought be a thought? Yes, I actually am seeing a therapist. I just started working with them once a week. For now we're taking the approach of letting whatever thoughts may come and continuing to live life according to my values anyway. It's hard & it feels weird not doing planned ERP anymore, but maybe the method of letting thoughts come and go will end up being a helpful approach.

@canigetawitness Thank you. It is a really difficult theme to deal with. Oh good im glad you have a therapist! That sounds like it is a good plan, especially since ERP seems to be compulsive. What has helped me most is to not engage with thoughts as they arise too. Especially with this type of theme of worrying if treatment is being done correctly. I just try to accept that I could be doing it all wrong and continue with what I was doing. It takes so much practice, but the more you do it the easier it will get. You can do it even though it feels awful!