Please I don't want to be a monster or horrible person. I don't want to lose my mind

Oh my god. I’m literally crying right now!! Because I have this SAME fear. Because I was harmed I’m afraid I maybe harmed someone too? Like sexually abused them, & then I start to get intrusive thoughts & I can’t decifer if they are memories or intrusive thoughts and then I start to doubt my own trauma, & it’s this whole awful cycle.

I just honestly didn’t know anyone else struggled with this! Because same, I’m always afraid I will or have done something morally wrong & I’m going to be found out & arrested, like my life will be destroyed. So I’m paranoid, & don’t know how to trust my own brain & my own thoughts. & yes it’s like I’ll dig in the memories & then be like was that evidence or an opportunity that I may have caused harm, & I think about it over & over and over, I’m like afraid I turned my little cousin gay because I sexually abused him as a kid. Even though I didn’t, & even though that’s not how our sexuality even happens. I’m queer & yet I still take blame for it as if it’s wrong in some way becaise I grew up in a super conservative religious cult, & now that I’m out, my values & beliefs are so different but then I’ll have ocd that plays into those flawed ways of thinking, like with the sexuality peice.

Can I ask what your false memories are ?