my two friends keep hounding me about my sex life so today i lied to them about it and now i feel guilty mostly at how good at it i think i was and that they believed me ... part of me goes no way they believe me they think it was all a lie but i also hate them for pushing it so much they had done this a few years back and i just dont get the constant questioning...ironically they both lost their virginity later in life than a lot of my other friends so youd think they wouldnt need to press me about it so much but they do ... the thing is like my ocd centers around sexuality and i dont have much of a love life history to comment on but i dont like other people making me have to analyze it because i do that without their help and like they also ask how many men have i been with, how many men have i kissed, when was my first kiss, and when i give them names they are like last name? like no answer is enough for them its like every time i see them they never give up on these questions and i think its because they view me as this weird creature like they both are the types of girls where their sex life is the thing to talk about: blow jobs, swallowing or spitting, hand jobs, squirting all the things... they go all into that shit thats the stuff that makes them excited to talk and im like thats not me but i am someone who curses a lot and makes dirty jokes and over shares other parts of my life so in a way i see why they are probably confused and want to know but if i wanted to talk about it i would i just dont want to and i said that last night they were like so tell us about your freaky moments and i was like noooooo and its after they go into a lot of detail on their sex lives but they choose to they like it talking about sex gives them a sense of identity and power it makes them feel cool and im like i know you think or are suspicious that im a virgin and a prude but if you think that why do you want to out me? why cant we just be friends and you dont get all that info? im very good at talking about all other topics and it does make me spiral into my hocd, am i asexual obsessing, pocd all the shit because its like god i have to lie to make them think im "normal" but i hate lying ... what i tell myself to comfort myself while i lie is telling myself they have probably lied about their sex lives too in small ways like people like to play up things and make their love life seem way better than it is, and the reason im lying is because i dont trust them to not make fun of me they have made mutliple comments about what they think about adult virgins and they can just be catty and rude so its like no im sorry i wont tell you that stuff and you wont take no for an answer so here we are ... but now im sure this means i have a personality disorder or makes me evil or something like i dont enjoy having to do that i have other friends who like can be my friend without interrogating me about my love life if i make it clear that im okay and dont really have much to share we move on but these friends even with other stuff i feel they are rude and bad friends they have visited me and insulted my hometown, belittled a waittress in front of me over a dollar difference in the bill, constantly interrogate me about my love life and its always like they forget my experience level when they next see me and ask questions theyve already asked before about my love life and sex life in a way to figure out what i am and its in an obvious way where i can tell its because they talk about me when im not around probably debating what my sexual deal is, and when i talk about how i am on dates they say things like i cant imagine you on a date or having sex, anytime ive tripped and fell theyve laughed at me and fell on the floor laughing, one actually seriously not jokingly asked me if i was autistic because i was using my socks to spin on their kitchen floor (and it wasnt meant in a im worried or i think you might be which is cool it was like definitely said in a tone of something is wrong with you this is bad but that she definitely thought i was autistic), also my sister is on the spectrum so i dont view autism as something bad i just dont like how she said that to me, theyve made fun of my monotone voice and just have real issues with boundaries... ugh i need to vent... they have like good qualities too but everytime a moment like the ones i just listed happen i go are these people good friends but when they make me food or buy me dinner or rarely compliment me or send me jobs in case i need help finding a new one or give me supportive advice i go okay yeah youre too critical they are good friends but im like am i turning this into rocd or like what is happening... im also stuck with them for the next few days and i do have moments of fun while im with them for sure but then these moments of like get me the fuck out of here ... like one of them made out with her boyfriend on her car and was hurt i didnt wait for them to finish and ride in the car with them, and instead i went in her sisters car to give them alone time to makeout ... then later she turned it into a thing where like she thought i was weird for not being more comfortable with that situation and now whenever her boyfriend is around shes like are you okay with that and its like listen im not a prude making and pda is fine but i find it rude when you have a guest over to like makeout with your boyfriend on your car and expect them to wait for you to finish before driving to the established location... but i got over it and found a solution but somehow youre mad at me and think im the rude one for finding a solution that gave her privacy and me a chance to not look like a creepy third wheel... its just god yeah their thought process is annoying and im starting to think we are not compatible friends she also has this competitiveness to her when we were jogging together earlier today she had to go faster than me and then shame her sister for not trying more and its like i thought we were all jogging together ... ugh i hope no one reads this because i feel pathetic writing it