- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Congratulations!đ đ. Iâm proud of you :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you for sharing your journey â¤
- Date posted
- 4y
Congrats brother I am happy for you
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks for sharing! So glad your better
- Date posted
- 4y
How severe was your ocd mate ?. What thoughts did you have im really struggling ? đ
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- Date posted
- 20w
I am FINALLY starting to (somewhat) recover from this last existential spiral, which admittedly, was probably the cruelest my OCD has ever been to me. Only thanks to you all. You were all able to provide me with kindness, understanding and support⌠without the kind of reassurance that feeds OCD, of course. When I downloaded this app, I was genuinely terrified. I was so scared that I was permanently doomed to the endless whirlpool that is the thoughts produced by my own brain and that life as I knew it was over, that I would never be happy again. For anyone who might be feeling that way right now, your OCD is LYING to you! Whatever you may be going through, it CAN get better. As hard as it may be right now, HAVE FAITH! Get up and do that thing you want to do in spite of the fear and discomfort. Take the fear with you like a whiny, unwilling toddler and do it anyway. Watch the movie, read the book, order that takeout youâve been craving, bake the cake, wash the dishes⌠Please do it anyway! It will be hard at first, I wonât lie. But the OCD part of your brain, like a toxic partner, WANTS to win. It wants you to give up on those things that you love, all those things that make you happy so that thereâs no space for anything but itself. Donât let it win. The more you push yourself, the more you rewire your brain to realize that as much as it may feel like, the obsession doesnât matter! Thanks to you all, even without therapy (YET - Iâm starting that journey on Tuesday because thereâs still a lot to unpack, and I know that OCD wonât just magically go away), I was able to get a basic understanding of ERP and learning to sit with discomfort and how to live life in spite of it, rather than letting it take over my very being. So for that, I thank this community. I think I would be in a very different place right now if it werenât for the people Iâve met here who truly understood my experiences. I hope you have a wonderful day. Please donât give up. You deserve to be happy, no matter what your brain is telling you â¤ď¸
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- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 10w
Hi NOCD community, I wanted to share my story of my journey so far with OCD to provide perspective to anyone who needs it. I can't believe how far I have come with a huge part because of my NOCD treatment and utilizing ERP. For reference I am a 24-year old male, so for anyone who is like me and on the fence with treatment, trust me it is worth it. If you ever want to talk about OCD and are not sure where to start or need guidance please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am now almost 2-years into treatment and working on recovery to this day. Sending my support to all. My OCD Story Adolescence Growing up, I didnât know what mental health wasâor even much about who I was. I was somewhat consciously aware, but something always felt off. My life seemed surrounded by reacting to fear instead of exploring or discovering like a regular kid. It felt like there was a switch in my brain that never let me settle in. My earliest compulsions were more physical than mental. One example that likely went unnoticed was how I would obsessively organize and align my toys in a certain way. It may have seemed like I was just being finicky, but now I recognize this as an early sign of OCD. The key is understanding that anything can become a compulsionâitâs not about what you do, but why you do it. In my case, it was always to avoid a bad outcome or neutralize a feeling. Another moment that stands out was in preschool during a performance. I was reciting something I canât remember in front of an audienceâa common childhood fearâbut the way I coped was by repeatedly hitting myself in the head with my fist. I wasnât aware I was doing it, but it calmed me, even though inflicting pain had no logical connection to the fear itself. Looking back, this was clearly a physical tic. My dreams were disturbing too. Iâd experience that terrifying space between sleep and consciousness. My parents once had to put my limbs in ice just to fully wake me. And even the process of going to sleep became ritualistic. I had to jump into bed using my left foot, pray a specific way (including naming everyone I didnât want to be affected by harm), rotate clockwise, shake my pillow four times, and do various actions around my roomâcleaning, checking the door, and more. All to prevent the visions in my mind from becoming real. Teenage Years Though my childhood was tough, things really escalated in high school. My family life was chaoticâdivorce, shifting homes, and being the older sibling trying to hold it together. I was smart and creative, and I found joy in creative writing, fantasy books, cartoons, video production, and drawing. But the storm really hit freshman year of high school. I was bullied relentlesslyâfor being shorter, having low self-esteem, and dealing with an undiagnosed mental illness. One night while trying to fall asleep, I noticed my heart beating fast. I panicked, convinced something was wrong. My dad said it was heartburn and gave me soda (caffeine), which only made things worse. I slept maybe an hour, and we went to the ER the next morning. After a full workup and an EKG, the doctor concluded I was physically fine and gave me anti-anxiety medication. But that wasnât the end. I had more episodes. I became obsessed with the idea that something was wrong with my body. I had blood drawn thinking I had a thyroid issue. I panicked at doctorâs visits, which spiked my blood pressure, fueling more health fears. I was also in an advanced biology class, learning about diseases and cancersâwhich triggered me to the point I felt like I was going to pass out. Motion sickness and vertigo became a daily fear, and I became terrified it would never go away. That became a core theme in my health-related OCD and deeply affected my quality of life. It was also during this time I developed HOCD (Homosexual OCD). Intrusive thoughts about my male friends consumed me. I couldnât relax around them or enjoy hanging out. I compulsively told myself I was straight, watched porn to âtestâ my reaction, and mentally analyzed everything I thought or felt. It was exhausting. It chipped away at my confidence, especially with women, though I know other external factors played a role in that too. Still, I had no education around mental health and assumed this chaos in my mind was normalâor that anyone seeking help had to be âcrazy.â I couldnât have been more wrong. Adulthood Despite all that, I managed to graduate high school with good marksâeven finishing at a new school I attended for just eight weeks after moving in with my mom. College was a major turning point. For the first time, I experienced independence and the ability to sit with my thoughts. I still didnât know what I was dealing with, but being away from a broken home and forging my own identity was incredibly freeing. Freshman year felt like a fresh startâŚuntil the pandemic hit. Like many others, I was forced to return home. For someone with OCD, the sudden lack of control and isolation was devastating. I was trapped in my room, stuck in my head, with nothing but virtual classes and uncertainty. Still, I eventually got back to campus, focused on my career in the sports and entertainment industry, and was accepted into a prestigious program while working multiple internships and completing challenging coursework. But with roommates and stress came new obsessionsâand still, no diagnosis. I eventually sought therapy for anxiety, realizing my mental state was unsustainable. Thatâs when two of my most distressing OCD subtypes emerged: Staring OCD and POCD. They worked together in the worst wayâfears of inappropriately staring at people, especially children. It felt like I couldnât exist in public without fearing Iâd harm someone just by looking at them. It shattered my self-worth. I couldnât enjoy life, couldnât even look in the mirror. The guilt and shame consumed me. I turned to talk therapy, where I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. While sessions brought momentary relief, it quickly became clear I wasnât getting better. In fact, the act of confessing my thoughtsâseeking reassuranceâwas fueling the OCD. Still, I didnât have the language for it. After doing my own research (a compulsion in itself), I discovered POCD and Staring OCD. For the first time, I read stories that sounded exactly like mine. I brought this to my therapist, but they dismissed it. Unfortunately, OCD is still widely misunderstoodâeven among professionals. Because I didnât fit the âcleaning and checkingâ stereotype, I wasnât taken seriously. In 2023âjust two years agoâI found NOCD, a teletherapy platform specializing in OCD. I scheduled a free consultation, thinking âWhy not?â I was miserable and desperate for relief. The therapist who evaluated me confirmed: I had OCD. She administered the DSM-5 criteria and said I was a textbook case. This was the turning point. Through NOCD, I finally received proper treatment with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). I learned how OCD functions, how to track and reduce compulsions, and how to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. It took timeâ5 to 6 months before I noticed true changeâbut for the first time in my life, I felt heard. I wasn't alone. NOCD gave me a judgment-free space to unpack the most disturbing thoughts and to not be defined by them. I wonât sugarcoat itâthis journey has been painful, frustrating, and nonlinear. I still live with OCD every day. But now I have tools. Iâve continued treatment with multiple NOCD therapists, joined support groups, and practiced exposures: scripting, imaginal scenarios, response prevention, you name it. Iâve learned to live with uncertainty instead of trying to solve the unsolvable. The biggest lesson? Stop trying to figure it out. OCD is emotional, not logical. The moment I stopped trying to outthink it and changed my relationship with it, everything shifted. Today, Iâm not âcured,â but Iâm grounded. Iâm more myself than Iâve ever been. And now, I want to give back. I want to share my story so others know that theyâre not aloneâand that OCD doesnât have to rule your life. Whether you're 14, 24, or 44âthere is help, and there is hope.
- Date posted
- 10w
Hello everyone! This is my first post since downloading the NOCD app and wanted to share a little about my life with OCD. I was first diagnosed when I was 17 but truly started noticing there was something going on with me as early as 10. To summarize: I have the repetitive ritualistic type of OCD. Basically, I have a fear of becoming other people. I believe that if I perform an action, like turning off the sink or closing a door, or even breathing in and out while thinking about somebody, especially someone that I dislike, that eventually I will become just like that person or experience something they've been through that is negative; like health issues, personality issues, or social status decline. Simple example: I know this one dude named Richard, I worked with him in retail, and he told me about how his brother died at a young age. Now, itâs nighttime, and with that new information known about Richard, I believe, that If I take my contact out while thinking of Richard, or an image of him appears in my head while Iâm taking out my contact, I believe that MY brother is going to eventually die too. Whatâs the solution?: I worked with another kid in retail. His name is Mikey, he was decently put together, and his brother didnât die. So that means: Now with my contact still on my finger, I put it to my eyeball, and keep tapping at my eyeball with my contact while trying to get an image of Mikey perfectly timed, so that I can cancel out the image of Richard and save my brothers life. This is a challenge because the image of Richard, or I should say, the fear that my brother could die from this thought, is strong, and often times I have to think of other people (from other life experiences) along with Mikey just to feel confident that I got the image cancelled enough to move forward. Every day, I complete many actions and with every action comes a thought or image of some person Iâve encountered in my life that Iâm either afraid of becoming or obtaining the same negative life experiences, which therefore means I also have all the othet people in my mind, at the ready, that cancel them out too. Every day I cancel people out and repeat actions disguised to the public. Sometimes itâs noticeable, but knowing how to cover your ugly side while making sure you donât mess up your future with the wrong thought is just what I call life. Iâm a man with a thousand people in his head and its been an EXHAUSTING journey. But through therapy and acceptance of myself, I have found a way to love with it. Like anything else, there are horrible days and okay days, but this is apart of me forever and im lucky to share it all with you! Can anyone relate?? Feel free to comment or reach out! - Matt
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