I really struggle to say no. I feel like I’m responsible for everyone’s happiness and safety and if I say no then they’ll be upset and might hurt themselves. I know how silly that sounds but I can’t help feeling this way. I’m exhausted and I need to put myself first- please help

I feel like if I spend time with anyone im always failing everyone else. A lot of people depend on me and want my time. I feel like I can't be enough and it makes me feel like I deserve to be alone. Does anyone ever feel like this?

I know the solution is to always say “yeah that could be true, but I am choosing to live my life anyway.” However, I feel like my biggest issue is my brain always assuming that it is immediately true when I do that. Like if I say “maybe I’m attracted to teenagers, it’s possible,” then my brain INSTANTLY starts rationalizing that thought and defending it and being like “oh okay so you think this now and it makes sense because xyz, and now that’s who you are and your real desire is now and always will be teenagers.” I feel really alone in this area of feeling like my brain “accepting the thoughts” means my brain immediately accepts them as true. I obviously don’t want to think they’re true but I feel so stuck now.

I’ve been in a really difficult situation recently and this weekend I’ve been looking forward to for ages. I had a concert and then nights out planned with my cousins. But I’m a tad bit older than them and they’re a lot closer in ages, as are all their friends from uni, so I’m kinda just stuck here with nothing to do. They’re off flirting with people their age and dancing and I’m getting no attraction or even attention (not in an attention seeking kinda way just an I’m lonely kinda way). At the concert they left my 5 or 6 times to go to the toilet and get drinks, when I went to the toilet I went alone. I was left alone to the point people around started to notice and I had one guy say “left alone are you? You need to get better friends” I just feel very left out. I’m a lot older than them and I know I have to keep a mature head but I’ve already fallen into a pit of depression recently and very very low self esteem to the point I barely wanna go out in public, that I’m now sat here all anxious and in a really bad mood. I don’t even know exactly why or when it changed but last night I just snapped. My sister was off meeting new people, my cousin was dancing with creepy men, a guy I found attractive was more interested in my cousin, she started dancing all provocative on him and I was just kinda there. I then had people asking me if I was neurodivergent and bisexual which just sent my ocd spiralling and nobody quite understands how horrible it is to be in my head. There was this lovely guy saying how amazing stunning and beautiful I was but it kinda just made me go “you’re saying that because you feel bad for me, because you know they’re getting all the attention and I’m this ugly duff person on the side”, it’s insanely exhausting. I’m tired of it now. I don’t wanna be in a mood anymore but I can’t seem to shift it, I’m stuck