Cried because I couldn’t find the courage to show up to my night shift. Had such a bad existential OCD episode and panic attack that I gave into my compulsions another night in a row. I decided to take a night walk to make up for that though. :( I’m scared I’m not making enough progress anymore and that I’ll never get out of this. It’s been two months into treatment and I relapsed halfway through. Please send prayers my way. Every day these past two weeks seem dark. I’m looking for the light but I can’t find my way out. I do my exposures every day mentally but the real life exposures I’ve held off for so long that the fear of them consumes me. Eventually I’ll get there. I just need to realize that recovery is gonna be slow for me and that’s okay.

:( I feel you. I’m sending you big hugs that we can share together. It’s so hard because I just want to live in the present and accept where I am in the moment but the background talk of just existentialism and panic. We can get through this <3 just going to be a journey. I also feel super isolated because it’s not a very common theme on here, and not a lot of people know how to deal with it because it’s literally an unanswered question forever. Nothing EVER could solve it. No snap, no slip, nothing. It’s just the worst.

@charleejadeg I know that feeling all too well :( I just hate feeling so alone in my body with all these unanswered questions, like theres no origin to anything which I'd like to just get myself to accept that but I always feel inclined to think about it 24/7. I'm doing better compared to before where I googled everything and didnt sleep for 2 or 3 nights due to bad anxiety so I'm proud at least. I agree though we are able to get through this!! Just knowing other people feel similarly is enough to tell me that we can persevere :)

@bunnyoftwili Of course. And I will say I overcame this theme before last year it just respiked after a derealization episode and then a relapse happened.

Thank you. I’m trying to keep that in mind that there’s no time limit on recovery

@charleejadeg That’s true take as long as you need. It is completely normal to have relapses during ocd recovery.

@hanajade Yeah it’s just totally not fun to experience it. I had like three weeks where I felt clear of OCD but then my period came and it literally restarted it all. Just now need to prepare better for those days.

@charleejadeg I find during my period my ocd gets worse. If you ever want to message privately you are more than welcome to message me.

@hanajade Thank you so much. Where would I be able to do that? (I hope that’s not nosy at all )

@charleejadeg We can message on WhatsApp, Facebook, discord or kik.

@charleejadeg I have sent you a friend request on discord

@hanajade I relapsed after 4 months of doing well, hopefully next time it will be after a year, then 5 years, and so forth

@ms123 Ok keep up the good work. I will be doing erp soon.