I think I’m starting to realize that I didn’t handle my grandpa’s death right. He died back in March and it was obviously very traumatic for all of us. We weren’t even with him when he died since he lived in Ecuador and we are in the US. The last time I saw him was in September 2019. I remember when we left us at the airport he was the first first one to start crying that we were leaving. He was such a sweet and tender man. His death also greatly affected my OCD in that it solidified and intensified my existential OCD. Anyways we’re going back to Ecuador next month to spend Christmas with that side of the family and it’s going to be the first time with him not around. He also died in the house we’ll be staying at so I’m already feeling that it’s going to be a very emotional trip to step into that house and be there with him not there. It’s just making me realize I didn’t process his loss right or hid the pain away or something. I didn’t think it would bother me so much now but its hitting some raw and painful emotions tonight, like I want to cry. I saw that my church was offering a grief counseling seminar this Saturday and I was interested in going, maybe it could help. I don’t know if I’m being overalls dramatic or not but it’s hitting me. Just wanted to share and maybe someone has words of advice. Thanks

TW I am so utterly broken. I feel like my heart is shattered to pieces, within the span of a month I have lost someone that was like a second mother to me and someone who just passed away that was my closest connection to my great grandmother. I am having very taboo thoughts (as well as physical responses) surrounding death because of OCD, while also carrying such a massive weight of grief. Idk if taboo thoughts with death are even normal, while it is overwhelming me, I’m also so numb to grief at this point. Can anyone please give some kind of advice on how I may improve my mental health without overwhelming my family during their time of grief? I’m so tired of being strong, but right now I absolutely have to be. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I lost my brother almost a month ago. if feels like it was yesterday. my biggest worry is when i snap out of the denial stage of this grief , that i’m going to lose my mind. it’s a scary feeling and i don’t know what to do. i’m still in therapy and don’t plan on stopping either but i just worry. i’ve cried here and there but all ive done is keep myself busy and distracted from this. i have my moments - i just am in such disbelief.

Hi everyone. Definitely not feeling great these past couple days. I struggle with ROCD and have been trying to navigate that for a long time. I have a relationship that means a lot to me with a boyfriend that is extremely special and kind and we laugh together so much and it really is the best. However, there are some times where he has been destructive, not in a serious way, but just as a coping mechanism, like drinking, and going out with friends. I think for me, I come from a childhood where one of my parents struggles with drinking, and I know how much of a toll I can put on the family. Me and my boyfriend are not there, but I definitely project a lot of these things onto him and it really fuels my ROCD. He really started doing this more in our relationship once his mom passed away very suddenly almost a year ago. I think I’m starting to become nervous because the anniversary of her death is next month, and I can sort of feel myself starting to self sabotage. I’m kind of nitpicking certain things, miss reading his moods, and things like that. I can definitely tell that it’s just me trying to protect my fear of abandonment. But I’m just really having a hard time because I’m so scared that things are gonna be hard again, we went through a lot when she first died. Our relationship has grown so much since she did, and we’re at a very good place. I did feel myself starting a fight last night, and that just made this morning feel pretty terrible. If anyone has experienced something similar, that would be helpful. Please be kind, I think I just need some grace right now and some hope I guess.