I think I’m starting to realize that I didn’t handle my grandpa’s death right. He died back in March and it was obviously very traumatic for all of us. We weren’t even with him when he died since he lived in Ecuador and we are in the US. The last time I saw him was in September 2019. I remember when we left us at the airport he was the first first one to start crying that we were leaving. He was such a sweet and tender man. His death also greatly affected my OCD in that it solidified and intensified my existential OCD. Anyways we’re going back to Ecuador next month to spend Christmas with that side of the family and it’s going to be the first time with him not around. He also died in the house we’ll be staying at so I’m already feeling that it’s going to be a very emotional trip to step into that house and be there with him not there. It’s just making me realize I didn’t process his loss right or hid the pain away or something. I didn’t think it would bother me so much now but its hitting some raw and painful emotions tonight, like I want to cry. I saw that my church was offering a grief counseling seminar this Saturday and I was interested in going, maybe it could help. I don’t know if I’m being overalls dramatic or not but it’s hitting me. Just wanted to share and maybe someone has words of advice. Thanks

Has anyone dealt with a major loss before? Or trauma related to death? I'm a senior in college and I just lost my Grandma a few months ago. It was the first loss I've ever experienced and it came so suddenly. I wasn't able to say goodbye to her either. 2 days after her death I had to go back to school and I just wasn't ready, I was very close with her. Thankfully my friends and teachers are being patient. I was starting to feel better emotionally when this past sunday I watched a freshman die. I was cashier at the school's cafeteria when he fell right outside the window. He was groggy, hardly awake, and could barely move. A police officer came to help and called 911. An ambulance came and checked his pulse and immediately took him inside the ambulance. A few moments later a firetruck came and brought out a Lucas (automatic CPR machine). I didn't know what it was at the time and thought the kid was still alive. Eventually they all left for the hospital. I kept telling students that I'm sure he was okay, and tried to calm down a bunch of people. I had to work after seeing all that. The next day in class my friend got an email that a student died and I knew it was him. I started bawling and left to call my Mom. She talked me through everything and calmed me down. Now I keep thinking about that kid thinking about when he died and if he was still alive when the ambulance got there. Then I see his probably lifeless body being dragged onto the gurnee. This kid who was maybe 17-18 in an unfamiliar place with his family 1,000 miles away. I just hate thinking about it but my OCD is hyper fixated on it. I'm stressed out from school and can't process all of the loss I've experienced. I can't afford therapy right now and am on a waitlist for a free, volunteer based therapy group. Has anyone been through something similar or has any advice??

My dad recently died and it’s really ramped up my real event OCD. He was only 63. The chronic guilt of my worst mistakes haunt me worse than ever and I want so bad to confess to my mother. The event happened 17 years ago and I never repeated the mistake. I was 19. I had or have a learning disability. I don’t think my moral compass fully developed until after that. I love doing good now and made a career out of it, but the chronic guilt eats at me. How do I deal with this? How do I not confess?

Hi everyone, asking for prayers, advice, anything…My mom died very suddenly last night. I live in a different state than her and was not able to be there with her. I know that in this case, finding an OCD therapist is crucial especially in this time of crisis but i have to fly out tomorrow to go be with my family and want to focus on one thing at a time. I struggle mainly with pocd and can already feel the warning signs of it flaring up, I’m sure it’s triggered by all the stress I’m feeling but I’m still so extremely confused as to why I’m struggling with this theme during this time, it feels completely unrelated. I’m trying not to give to much importance to the thoughts and feelings im having but it’s hard. I have a lot support from my friends and family and partner so i feel incredibly blessed in that regard. I’m shaken and confused and sad and numb all at the same time. I’ve never lost anyone like this before.