Hi guys, someone posted yesterday explaining the term C-PTSD and it's personality traits. Pretty much it was a black and white explanation of me and my whole life. It really shocked me and I keep thinking about it. Lack of emotional and external boundaries, taking care of everyone around me, fear of judging someone so ending up being around hurtful people forever, never setting boundaries or sticking up for myself.. 🙋‍♀️ I can see that this has always been there, since I was a child and what I mainly relate it to is my experience with my mother. I still live at home due to leaving university because my OCD overwhelmed me so much and my whole life broke down, I was not functioning. I'm still living at home unfortunately because I am not ready for work. I'm still in treatment for OCD. Of course ironically enough my OCD is moral OCD and scroupolisity. I have a really strained relationship with my mother, every day it is one of my hardest battles. I am a Christian and we are to forgive others, because Jesus has forgiven us with all of our sin against God. We are meant to forgive and love others, to be peace bearers and seek peace. These core beliefs really wreck havoic with me internally when it comes to my mum. How am I to forgive her? I blame her so much for the battles I struggle with. To put it really simply sometimes I just feel like, I am the way I am because of her! How she treated me and how much emotional control she has over me even as an adult. 😔 I feel that I am letting God down by my hatred towards my mother. I'm so hurt by her. and I hate how she treats my family, every day! I feel like a terrible person for my feelings, and so guilty towards God. also very lost as to how to process these feelings. Im typing this thinking... Why am I reaching to the internet to look for advice? 😔😑.. But this app is very helpful at times and people understand the nature of OCD. Bearing in mind my themes are moral OCD //being a 'good person' all the time so this is really hard for me to understand. I feel so confused, angry, hurt, sad, guilty, and bitter. 😔 Thank you for reading if you made it this far!

Dre83

Date posted: 4y

Hey its okay to feel all those things. We are human and we have feelings so its inevitable that we will have all these feelings. Sorry that you have been hurt by family. As humans we do a lot of hurtful things thats for sure. One of the simplest things I've heard is hurt people, hurt people. Not condoning how your mom treats you but maybe she has a lot of hurt from her past that she hasn't dealt with yet and unfortunately she cast that hurt off on to you and maybe others around her. I know sometimes when I'm frustrated with my ocd I unfortunately take it out on my family instead if dealing with it the correct way. Ask the Lord to open your heart to forgiving you mom and to show you how you fail in doing so. Also for Him to have mercy on you and your mom and to redeem the relationship you have with her and for her to heal from the hurts of her past. I hope this helps my friend. God bless:)

ButterflyStar

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much for commenting Dre83. I really appreciate it and that you gave an answer that honours the Lord. May He help me 😔

Dre83

Date posted: 4y

@ButterflyStar He will help. It may not look like you think but he will because he is relational so he wants our relationships to be in right standing. I've been there with my brother and it took humility to get over the way I was feeling towards him. But in the end our relationship was reconciled.

ButterflyStar

Date posted: 4y

@Dre83 I'm glad your relationship has healed. I'm definitely not there 😔.. I have so much hurt and anger. And I don't even understand forgiving others as a general topic. I feel so weak in my faith for stuff like this 😔like why can't I just get it? Why can't I just be the super gracious and loving person I long to be 😔..

Dre83

Date posted: 4y

@ButterflyStar Thanks. It didn't happen over night though took a few years. God is working in you believe me even if you can't see or feel it. All God needs is the faith of a mustard seed. If it all depended on us then we wouldn't need God. You're going to have a great testimony after this I can hear it now. Its gonna be great!

ButterflyStar

Date posted: 4y

@Dre83 Aw wow thank you so much that was really encouraging!! A mustard seed of faith indeed. I am so glad we have Him in our lives

Dre83

Date posted: 4y

@ButterflyStar You're welcome! I'm praying for you and your mom. I love encouraging people.

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