How to stop checking in on how you're feeling? I feel like I have OCD about my feelings if that makes sense lol. Like I cannot stand being slightly irritated, sad, angry, ANY sort of mood change and it spirals me into hopelessness again and I isolate in my room to cope. Any books, podcasts, videos, tips from therapy that are helpful please drop them here I greatly appreciate your help

Hmm I guess I start to talk I my head like 'That's it, my day is ruined. I'm so weak and pathetic always getting so down by things.'and ill go quiet and retreat inwards. What about you?

@ButterflyStar Yeah I can relate to this. If something is a little bit off abd I get annoyed I assume it has ruined my day. And then I either thinkabout how this will stay this way forever. Why im always "like this" abd similar. I kind of feel off when I have emotions even positive ones. And i can get caught up in describing it perfectly or understanding it perfectly.

@asdfghj Oh my gosh!!! ME!!! hahah wow that's really like me. I have to describe things fully and perfectly. Trying to tell a story is like.. An ordeal 😂because I feel I have to say every detail to give the full picture. Or I listen to others and I can tell they are not sharing every detail to their point and it frustrates me (mostly those closest to me that I live with). And I think I am always chasing this FEELING of understanding things fully. The doubt that I haven't fully understood it will make me unsettled. When we do the 'why am I always like this /// day is ruined and ill always be like this' thing do you think this is catastrophic thinking? I haven't read much about it but just came across this term.

@ButterflyStar Omg I need to follow up on this! Because this is so me too. But im having someone over now but ill remind myself in the morning! Im glad you posted this post! ❤

@asdfghj Okay thank you so much!! So glad you commented 👍😊

@ButterflyStar Finally getting back to you. I definetely think its catastrophic thinking. Always assuming the worst. But more than that I think its obsessing and getting urges to do compulsions. The first time I read "Freedom from OCD" by Jonathan Grayson I was completely flabbergasted when I saw "trying to explain things perfectly" and "understanding things perfectly" listed as compulsions. Not making myself understood perfectly scares me away from even trying to share the simplest thing with my bf and others because I get this tiny feeling of it being off and then I cant seem to stop trying to make sure the person understood me. To be honest sometimew I make my bd repeat what I said to check. Which is literally sick. I had never thoight that these things were compulsions but in a way it was a relief to realise I didnt have to spend so much time explaining/understanding perfectly. I still struggle. But looking forwards to tackle this with an ocd specialist soon. It even got so bad I couldnt write in my diary, without making my hand ache because I had to write it perfectly understandable. So whenever minor incidents occur, or annoyances or whatever feeling I can get a sense something is off and I have to DO something about it. And then compulsions begin instead of letting it work its course. But it has to be able to treat with ERP like every other compulsions. But to me a lot of this seems so intangible.

@ButterflyStar A trick ive been trying to use lately is "what would someone without OCD do now?" So when these do "perfectly" and figure it out/day is ruined I ask what I wouldve done/tried to accomplish if this didnt bother me. Often anxiety is so high I cant seem to even think, but still trying. At the same time. If anxiety is high maybe that is kind of revealing? Its not irritation/sadness/joy that is the problem. Its thr anxiety those emotions evoke. And maybe being mindful about feelings being okay and not dangerous could help? I dunno.

@asdfghj Hey! Oh my gosh thank you so so much for replying to the comment. I am honestly so thankful. So firstly, WOW!! I didn't know these were compulsions?!! Gosh.. It explains so much 😐. I must buy that book! Oh my goodness when you spoke about the thought of not being able to express yourself fully, so you don't at all with your boyfriend---this is ME!! With my husband, with others! Completely understand you. And when you said about sometimes the anxiety is so intense you can't even think. Oh my goodness, me too... Me too. I'm so encouraged by your positive outlook knowing that this CAN be tackled ERP. I don't ask others this because well safety, but would we be able to continue our chat? Even to share resources or something? I don't have social media so it would have to be like email or WhatsApp, but I realise it can be a bit strange... Ah, I'm not sure but I don't want to lose contact because everything you shared has been so helpful!

@ButterflyStar Yes please read that book. It was so eyeopening for me. When I read those I was so taken a back because those things had become so second nature for me and I simply couldnt grasp why no one seemed to understand me. I couldnt really connect with anyone as when I told a story anxiety kicked in and I couldnt accept their love and care because I was busy checking if they understood correctly. This makes me believe that it might not be damage by attachment trauma but compulsions keeping people at an arms distance. I even had it excessively with reading. Like your post right now, had to read throuhh it several times because "what if I understood incorrectly!". In a way its minor. I can deal with some checking. But when it adds up its life ruining. And originally I got anxious from you asking to stay in touch because WHAT IF... but I would like that! It would be a kind of exposure too.

@asdfghj Yeah! You've shared some really interesting points there that might me the same for me, or might not. I guess it will take some more time to understand myself. Haha yes rereading your comment I did that too! I understand! It's up to you 😊 all the things are much more minut detailed things compared to my overriding theme of scrupolosity and moral themed OCD.