I need help or a pick me up. I’m doing OCD treatment I’m around 6 weeks in and I’m really struggling right now. It’s been up and down, but I can’t even sit through another exposure because the panic attacks won’t stop happening. I’m scared for my life and I want to end my life so badly. I don’t want to die but I want to stop suffering, all hope has left me and I am petrified of who I am. I am merely a shell of who I used to be, I cannot stop crying and I want to just be put to sleep.

Hey! First of all, I’m sorry you’re struggling. When I started ERP, I got roughly to where you are (like six weeks in) and had a total shift in my themes for the first time in more than ten years. It was this unsettling, scary, and trying experience. I basically started from square one again, and had really try hard to engage with treatment. I was desperate, and started with the usual doubting that it would never be better. Then a funny thing happened, I just kept showing up. Not really out of a deep reservoir of strength, but just because I really wasn’t sure what else to do. I knew I would suffer one way or the other, and just figured this way the only thing I could do. The tools I learned have truly helped me. The last few days I’ve noticed all the signs of OCD slipping back in: loss of appetite, restlessness, short attention span and irritablility. Then the feelings of anxiety. I had a minor panic situation earlier at the car wash. Now, this is unpleasant. I don’t like it. If I had a wand that offered a magical alternative, I’d likely choose it. BUT, what treatment has given me is the wherewithal of HOW to respond to it so it doesn’t take me too deeply. I resisted compulsions, I sat in the place where my anxiety was highest. I slowed myself down and tried not to avoid or avert from my internal experience. Do I feel great right now, no. Do I know I will feel great again? Yes. Sometimes the sky is cloudy, and sometimes it’s sunny. You don’t control the weather, but you do control if you’re going to let it ruin your day. You’ve got this. Do something small. Go brush your teeth. You’ll feel better.

@sheeby, I totally relate to how u are feeling. I have tried so many methods of treatment that didn’t really help. It’s torturous but we must overcome this ocd. Sending prayers and hugs your way .

Maybe the panic is a way of the OCD fighting back because you're trying not to engage in compulsions. Ive had panic attacks years ago, the last weeks Ive had several because Ive started not giving in to my compulsions. We can do this! And even though I dont know you I feel proud of you for giving yourself the gift of treatment and of giving it your all!

I can’t even brush my teeth or hair or eat. I can’t even leave the house because of my panic attacks. I can’t do anything anymore besides suffer every day. I’m done with this life. I’m too unfixable.

I need someone to call I’m freaking out and just want this to end please help me