Just throwing this out there with the hope that someone will relate. I have complex PTSD stemming from interpersonal trauma where I was accused of wrong doing in situations that didn't warrant that conclusion, and where I was left emotionally abandoned as a result. Ever since, I've suffered from instrusive thoughts that center around the theme of me questioning if I did something wrong, or if there is something wrong with me (in all sorts of different scenarios), which results in great fear and distress over possibly being abandoned again. This happens quite frequently. It's like I'm fine until I have a thought pop into my head that has me questioning my actions, my interactions, what people think of me, my every move and its consequences -- from both the present and past. It's like my mind is constantly bombarded with stress inducing memories and snippets of my life. I can hardly take it any more! Can anyone else relate to having OCD that follows a theme related to past trauma?

Sheeby

Date posted: 4y

Yes my ocd themes are directly correlated to my past trauma. It’s really hard

viannaro

Date posted: 4y

Thank you for commenting ❤ knowing I'm not alone makes me feel so much better

Sheeby

Date posted: 4y

@viannaro We are in this together. I know it’s hard to stay strong when ocd is paired with another disorder. But I promise one day t he light will come.

asdfghj

Date posted: 4y

I can relate to this. And in a way I think it has contributed in not getting the right treatment. I have a lot of trauma. I didnt have a good time growing up. And for years Ive been talking it over with my therapist. But I havent prosessed my trauma Ive been compulsively talking over obsessions. Which have seemed pretty understandable considering the trauma I have. Now I feel like ERP is the only thing that will help. And maybe when I manage my OCD better trauma work can actually be of use to me. Having a trauma to explain why we are so crazy scared of our obsession being true can make us, at least it makes me, argue that this is real, this is important: I just HAVE to do the compulsions. But its OCD. And my eyes are opened to that more and more. My therapist asking me to elaborate and "let's talk about it" has only made things worse and made ne believe the obsessive thoughts were important and something I had to take into consideration.

viannaro

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much for sharing. Reading a bit about your story truly helps ❤

viannaro

Date posted: 4y

Also I totally agree with what you said about trauma making us crazy scared of our obsessions

asdfghj

Date posted: 4y

@viannaro The trauma drives the OCD too. When Im obsessing about being abandoned or hated or frozen out, and I dont comply with compulsions anxiety rises and memorìes of past abandonment and severe bullying hits. It is extremely painful and ofc it seems better and important and like the only thing that will help me survive to just seek a little (a lot) reassurance, and other compulsions to make anxiety go down. But ive been doing that for so many years now. Been in traumasentered therapy for over a decade and my trauma is bad ... but still I shouldve been better by now. But its the OCD. And OCD is worsened by talk therapy! I wish someone wouldve told me this 15 years ago.

asdfghj

Date posted: 4y

@viannaro And about trauma making us craxy scared. People who dont have too much trauma also are crazy scared by not doing their compulsions. It can feel like dying. But by explaining it with trauma I think Ive often not done my responspreventing because I had a "valid reason" to do it. But Im the one who loses from that. And im so grateful ill finally get a therapist who doesnt encourage me to do compulsions (not of malice ofc but incompetence in ocd). 🤢

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