Hocd and urges! Help

I feel like I'm lying to myself, like I just don't accept that I'm gay, I don't want to be gay, I don't want to feel any kind of attraction anymore, I want to go to a psychologist to find out if I really have hocd or if it's just an excuse, because it feels like I really am gay, but nothing was authentic, it all started with thoughts that made me panic extremely hard and I felt like crying and I had delusions, I don't understand why this is happening to me, I didn't like any boys before the thoughts appeared, but exactly one day after they appeared, all the boys were attractive, of all ages, I want to recover :( I'm only 17 years old, for about 2 months I've been having thoughts, I don't know what to do, I can't go to a psychologist, I need help :(

I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.

I think i am getting better and i try to ignore my undiagnosed hocd but sometimes is really hard,the weird dreams,and sometimes idk if someone has this my mind is talking for myself like “i am bi” and i get really scared or completing things and is horrible and i have a compulsion and a fear for the feauture like what if i like girls and i dont want to let me or something else and i get really scared and i just know i am not bi i get scared when i am next to girls and anxiety and i want to be me again without hocd(i always had ocd but hocd is hell ) The hocd simptoms came like 3 months ago i started asking myself if i liked my friend just because we were understanding eachother better,then i saw i girl after a few days and i like how lashes suited her then my mind was telling me that i like her then a fear started,i vomited felt scared(i didnt know about hocd) and started feeling depressed,having intrusive thoughts all day,compulsions, dreams and then i found out abt hocd i felt better because i knew ways to feel better,TIPS if someone has this find a hobby to clear your mind,pray,meditate,and talk to someone But i just cant accept the uncertinty i just dont find normal sorry