I need help knowing how to combat my food contamination fear. I’m afraid my food will make me have a panic attack and hallucinate like it’s drugged. :( how do I work around th is.

Agh you’re right. I’ve been avoiding eating at certain times, throwing up my food, only drinking water after 6pm. I didn’t even realize that maybe this made it worse, but now I’m worried I’ll trick myself into thinking these things ugh. I totally get what you are saying, I just keep thinking my ERP is gonna make it come true.

@sheeby Yeah it sounds like compulsions alright. Trick yourself into thinking what? And what would the ERP make come true? This seems debilitating though. I only ate the same foods for years and years and told myself it was normal. But all situations where I wasnt in control of the menu or someone just offering me foods that werent "mine" would set of fits of anxiety. And I avoided eating with others. Needed the right cutlery, the right glas etc. Throwing up if somehow the food was "wrong" after all. It really is a struggle as it seems so wrong to force myself to eat when I dont want to. But it helps to do exposures. Is there a small step you could start with?

@asdfghj Yes I could start with eating and trying to keep it down. I am seeing a therapist rn and she tells me to tell myself that maybe the food is drugged and describe a scenario but I’m really scared of that. Like petrified that I’ll believe that I’ve been drugged and have a fake trip and freak out and lose my mind.

@sheeby Also I meant I’m scared if I do ERP and tell myself maybe it is maybe it isn’t, then I’ll end up believing the thoughts and go crazy or whatever.

@sheeby If you had go guess with a gun to your head: do you believe its possible to induce going crazy? And it seems to me youve thought alot about going crazy already and still hasnt? I mean I probably should say: maybe you will go crazy, who knows. Whenever I feel like doing exposures is too dangerous I try to remind myseld of what I have. And to me nothing could be worse than what Ive already been living with.

@asdfghj Gosh you’re so right. I don’t know why but I feel like crying right now because even though I know I’m never going to actually “lose my mind”, I still fear it because of my panic attacks. They are very intense but yeah. I totally get what you are saying and I appreciate you helping me through this. I know we had a dispute yesterday and I want to thank you for showing compassion to me when I am clearly lacking.

@sheeby Maybe it would be okay to let the tears go? Dont know if this is relatable but I did one of those ... dont know the english word, but where you go to the bottom of what Im most afraid of if I dont comply with OCD. And I traved it back to a fearing of having a type of locked in syndrome, where I was there but couldnt do anything, going crazy and not being able to die to get relief and not ever telling anyone anything. And then time went by and I realised that was how I already had been living because of mental illness! So anxious I didnt leave my home. I didnt say things in fear of saying wrong things etc. Locked in my own head going crazy. It is just so paradoxical to me. It makes sense to me that even though you realise what you gotta do youre just so afraid. And hey, of course I show compassion. And I dont think you are lacking. I understand how people being abusive is a touchy subject and for a lot of people hard to empathize with.

@asdfghj I tried letting go of it and truly started to see the world as safe for what it is. But then I had another panic attack and it all went downhill again. Just reallt defeated by my own self. I have panic disorder with OCD so my panic attacks make me feel unreal, which is why I get the what if I’m going crazy. It’s just so annoying. I’m trying to let go but it seems every time I panic it restarts.

@sheeby Not feeling real like depersonalization and derealization. Or maybe dissociating? Ive been struggling a lot with those. And I feel you in avoiding exposures because of them, its terrible. I was so derealized at one point they thought I was psychotic and its the worst. At the same time I always get back to my normal OCD self. Anxiety triggers me to dissociate. Its a way of coping. But I believe in time the panic attacks will die down and the dissociation with it. Maybe the panic attacks will be there no matter what and really is about choosing to deal with it as you are expanding your world or deal with it as your world gets smaller.

@NOCD Advocate - Charlee i have everything you’re talking about and i’m scared that i’ll die from not eating, please can you tell me how you got past this !!

@Beth2001 Beth!! I’m really glad you reached out. I want to tell you that this was a really hard theme to get past. I lost 40 pounds from not eating. And what helped me get to a point where I don’t even think about it anymore, was slowly slowly eating less “safe” foods and allowing the panic attacks to come over me without asking for reassurance, researching, etc or avoiding food. It took me a couple months. But now I’m at the point where I can eat foods others made for me without any thought about it. Maybe once a month the thought will come, but never extreme panic. Whenever I started eating more it was really hard for me. I was having a lot of panic attacks and it felt like this was the one ocd theme that would get me. The way I got through them was extreme I mean EXTREME self care. And an ice pack on my neck to cool down my nervous system. Reach out privately if you need to, my Instagram is @charleejadeg. I’m happy to help more.