Toxic relationship. I met a guy at work and developed a codependent, toxic, abusive relationship for three years . It’s been 8 weeks since I told him, I could not talk to him since I needed to focus on my mental health and I needed to get better . He made me feel guilty and does not understand OCD. He just made me feel guilt, told me I never loved him and accused me of seeing someone . I feel HORRIBLE. During the relationship it was a rolercoaster . Yes, he has good qualities but everyone has good qualities. I been told by a high source that he displayed psychotic tendencies . Ever since we met at work , he became very controlling and possessive . He didn’t want me to have a conversation with any guy at work . Just a hello was enough . I didn’t have the courage to leave and got resentful . I made the mistake to tell him that he can not talk to any females there . That was a mistake on my part because I think we had no business to tell each other who to talk too . To defend myself , I guess I was so miserable in the relationship that I just reacted . During work, every time I went to the bathroom I prayed that no male would get up . If a guy got up even 15 min after me , he would assume I was talking to that guy . Every time I got up , I got a text message asking if I saw this person. It was too much and I would respond with meanness. I’m not proud of myself . He even accused me of getting a guy’s attention by bending over to get water . There is a rational part of me that knows he was wrong but I still stayed . Again, I reacted with meanness every time he questioned me which was multiple times a day . He was an alcoholic and I helped him get 100 percent sober . He even said I was the only person that helped him . He tolerated my ocd but my ocd got worse , every year I stayed with him . Last March , Covid hit and we are still working remotely . He really started to show his crazy and cruelty. I had to put my cat to sleep and my cat was only three years old with a severe case of pancreatitis. I was heart broken and with the death of my cat, his cruelty and controlling ways , and Covid my ocd flared up . I called him a lot and he was mean . He could not tolerate that my ocd was high and dealt with it by abusing me . Why do I miss him? He would mock my ocd and told me I needed mental help and that I called him like a fool. What really hurts is that I miss him still . I’m crying right now . Here I helped him get sober and he got worse with his abuse. I still check his social media but I know I should not even care . Can someone help ?