I can’t forgive myself for the things I did in my early teens. I get intrusive thoughts about the gross things I’ve done and I hate myself. I don’t understand what I was thinking when I did these things but I feel like a different person now. I feel like a horrible awful person. Like I don’t deserve to feel happy. Help.

Kingston4

Date posted: 4y

Just know that every teen makes a lot of mistakes, it’s how you learn. Us with ocd though can’t help but ruminate and tell ourselves we’re bad people

1nussy

Date posted: 4y

I relate. Everybody makes mistakes. I did shitty things in my teens too, hurt a lot of people by being very selfish and erratic, but everyday is a new day and slowly but surely I don’t live that way anymore, and it sounds like you don’t either :-) I like to think of all the horrible things I did as a symptom of a “sickness” I’m now recovering from, it helps me remember that when I’m healthy happy I’m usually trying to be a good person and that I deserve to be happy because I’m most likely to be helpful and of service to others when I am.

Isabella

Date posted: 4y

Thank you

Mila19

Date posted: 4y

This is extremely common with OCD. I struggle with the exact same thing. A big part of it is sexual exploration that is very common but not spoken as much as it should be so it feels more taboo, and then we with OCD label it as bad and continue to ruminate and seek reassurance for our actions. Hang in there, you’re not alone. :) ERP and a professional helps

Isabella

Date posted: 4y

Thanks for the reply. I had a pornography addiction in my young teens and I’ve ruminated over the things I saw :/

Isabella

Date posted: 4y

@Isabella It’s good to know I’m not alone!

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

@Isabella Same for me. I'm ruminating over the things I've seen throughout my porn addiction and being pressured into sexting other teens when I was a teen. You're right it's amazing knowing that with a problem, you're not the only one with that problem. I'm just trying to do the best that I can but ruminating keeps me down and I'm trying to stop doing it

Isabella

Date posted: 4y

@BigGip09 Stay strong, we’ll both get through this :)

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

Also I have to say I really respect you bringing up the topic of sexual exploration because I feel like that's where the majority of my insecurities and mistakes come from. Unfortunately, people don't actually see mistakes within sexual exploration as normal and it appears to be taboo. It's as if trying to be a teenager alone is a bad thing because of the different kinds of mistakes that can come about as we age. Again, I respect you tackling that a lot.

Isabella

Date posted: 4y

@BigGip09 Thanks, it’s scary but I try to remember that I’ve grown since then and I can forgive myself for my mistakes. Acceptance with ocd is very difficult though.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

@Isabella Yeah it's insanely difficult. Ruminating is so painful that it makes me basically uncertain of everything. I've been trying to be certain of so many different things that I don't know what to be certain of. I just try not to solve anything and get away from the issues and try my best to do better and not fall into anything I don't like or would find uncomfortable. If I could just find a cure on rumination then I'd be happy again.

js2020

Date posted: 4y

Hang in there and try not to ruminate . I often feel guilty about everything I did as a kid or ever really . It’s the ocd talking . You do deserve to be happy !

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

I really wish it were that easy not to ruminate

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