I hate my life. Meltdowns used to be once a week, then once every few days, then once a day and now twice a day. My phone is acting like a piece of crap and it keeps deleting things which is one of my fears. I’m so exhausted.

I know exactly how you feel. I was the same way when I would get a new phone and a lot of my important stuff got deleted. Know that ur not alone. Ik it’s hard but you losing pictures is only temporary. Remember that.

I know how you feel. Even if you have to take things minute by minute (which I am doing right now), this isn’t permanent. Obsessions and compulsions wax and wane. When things are really bad, the breaks may be short - but they’re there. I take refuge in those times, and when I’m completely exhausted, I’ll hold out until I can get in bed and crash.

It makes sense! Don’t minimize your feelings bc what you’re saying isn’t “logical.” OCD is what’s illogical - not you! I understand what it’s like to feel like you’re being taken apart piece by piece and wondering what will be left if this never stops. Maybe this isn’t the best way/way that will work for you, but I think about how much I’ve fought through and how I’ve always made it out the other side. Maybe I didn’t come out with all of me still intact-but every moment you’re alive is time where you might be able to heal and replace the lost pieces with even better ones. I’m just waiting for that day:) As far as feeling guilty about losing them again and letting them down-feeling guilty shows your love for them. A person who didn’t care/wasn’t trying to honor them would feel no remorse. While I don’t know what these people you are talking about were like, I’m sure that they would be honored you care so much and be completely content with you holding onto the memories or even just feelings you shared together. Those are what really last:)

Try to restart your phone and hopefully that will help it. I’m all about exposure therapy. I would start deleting things that aren’t very important to you and then work ur way up to things that are harder. I’ve read a lot and did it with a phobia of my own that took over my life and I will be honest. It’s hard to admit but the best way to get rid of ur fear is to put yourself through it. Good luck stay strong you can and will conquer this !

I’ve done that before where I deleted some photos and links in history that I can do without. It’s when I don’t know what was deleted scares me because I’m not in control. What if my phone just deleted pictures that are important that I’ll never get again or lost a website link that I saw that I’ll never able to find again? This fear was proven to me in many ways, most recently trying to find this one post from a while ago that intrigues me now and want to look it up more.

In the past I’ve lost so much- sentimental and non sentimental items. I’ve even lost a whole semester’s worth of project right before the presentation. I hate not being in control which is ironic because I don’t have control over my life

I know it’s just photos or stupid websites. But I feel like no matter how small (literally and figuratively speaking) a piece of me is stripped away. When my pets, parents and grandparents passed away it hurt so much so that the sentimental items given to me by them (wallet, ring, earrings, watch, clutch, stuffed animals, my parents’ belongings that I couldn’t go through because I’m bedridden because of my stupid illnesses, etc) were lost or stolen, I let them down. The guilt. That I lost them again. That I’m irresponsible. Then when my phone and laptop with my ideas/designs/thoughts and embarrassing pictures of me doing my compulsions were stolen because I wasn’t careful, a part of me was stripped away. It was abruptly taken away from me. So each time I lose something I’m losing a piece of me and my strength. The person I was loved challenges. Loved taking risks. Very extroverted. Now That I’ve lost so much of that, I’m losing myself. I don’t know if this makes sense. I just don’t know how to cope with loss. I even feel guilty about few animals.

I can’t even get to bed and crash because I have contamination fear in my bed and my compulsions that I have to do every few hours when I sleep.

Even when I have a meltdown I can’t sleep. I’ll eventually fall asleep but not soon before I feel so sick because I can’t sleep.

Thank you @Devon. Someone once told me no one can rob you of your memories. I agree. And it sucks at the same time because I can’t be robbed of my bad memories, which stands out a lot stronger. What’s been haunting me and the causes of my PTSD now are when I was attacked in more ways than one. That contributes to my severe attachment to things so much that it’s difficult for me to throw away a plastic bag in fear of having something important inside. During the attacks and petitions for animal abuse, I started losing hope and distrust people. Even my “friends” had ulterior motives. Material things will never betray, will always be there but I have to protect it. Its all these things that come together that makes doing the ERP for checking difficult. I can’t seem to detach myself from them emotionally. I can’t let go of the sentiment.