Does anyone else’s OCD attack your relationship with your family? There are things about my family that I find upsetting, but normally I’m just able to accept that these things make me mad, but I know they’re still good people and I love them all. Lately, it’s like my brain is dedicated to ruining the relationship with my family. So, then I go through a cycle of feelings with almost no relief. The biggest feeling is terror, because I am afraid I’m going to let these things ruin my relationship with them and I’m never going to see them again. Then I feel guilt. It’s never ending guilt. First, the guilt is because I’m causing my family a lot of distress and I’m so convinced my fears are real that I feel guilty like “they don’t realize these things are really going to happen and they’re going to lose me”. Then I feel guilty when I get so tired of fighting the obsession that I start thinking “what if I’ll be okay if I never talk to them again? what if I’ll be able to move on?”. Then I feel guilty cause I refuse to allow the obsession to be real and the only way out I see is killing myself, but that would hurt my family too. Then I feel guilty for trying to be happy, because then I’m betraying somebody else (it’s a complicated thing I will explain if someone reads this and wants to know). Then I start blaming my family for these feelings, cause I do genuinely feel that they’re wrong about this one thing. Or not wrong, because they don’t have any bad intentions, but...again it’s complicated. THEN I feel guilty for blaming my family for these feelings, because they’re doing their best and they just don’t see certain things in the same way. And throughout it all I feel an overwhelming sadness. Just so SO sad.

I definitely struggle with feeling like I’m a bad person and I get scared I don’t love my family, but this particular thing I’m talking about feels a little different. That being said, I 100% struggle with feeling like a bad person and being a soulless person. It’s a terrible feeling and I’m sorry you feel it too.

@MegB I hope you manage to find some relief, always remember you are not your thoughts and you are always in control your OCD just makes you doubt it. xxx

@Kimberley* Thank you!

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to scroll down and read the OG post. It’s just been really hard and exhausting cause I feel like it’s not irrational. It’s related to political differences. I know people have had OCD about the election because they felt they had to check the polls and things like that. But mine is a little different. I’m just tired and while I WANT it to be OCD, (because I can’t handle if it’s not OCD) there are things about it that make me doubt it’s OCD. Plus, i can’t identify a theme. Anyways, thanks again for responding.

@MegB ive heard that "the mere fact that someone with ocd, doubts whether they truly have it is just another sign that they do" meaning that your doubts abt not this being ocd, is your ocd talking. i understand that political differences can feel like a source of conflict within a family setting, it's extremely common, and wow i didn't ocd about the election was a thing that's interesting. i also can't identify a theme which has made me question a lot but after doing some research for purely informative purposes i saw that ocd can latch onto anything and those themes we see listed are just the most prevalent and structured ones, in a sense. lastly i wanted to ask you, do you go to therapy?

@feethebee Thank you again. You’re really kind. I’m currently working with an ocd specialist, but we haven’t started the erp yet.

@MegB no problem, you're really kind as well <3 i hope that goes well for you