I don’t see a point to treatment anymore. I am making out wi try my girlfriend and constantly analyzing and checking whether I like the kissing or whether I don’t like it and am therefore gay. I don’t see how ERP can help with HOCD.

Put in the *work

How do I stop the compulsions while kissing?

@footballsoccer2019 You don’t fall into the mental compulsions of analyzing and checking, if you get the urge to you push forward anyways and resist. It takes practice over time but it gets easier

@Evelyn4416 What do you say in your mind to stop yourself from Engaging in the mental compulsions ?

@footballsoccer2019 I don’t say anything because that would be a compulsion, I just acknowledge the thought or feeling and don’t interact with it

@Evelyn4416 To acknowledge the thought though what do you “say” in your mind when you are acknowledging the thought? It seems as if my mind goes instanteously to checking compulsions before I have the opportunity to stop the mental compulsions.

@footballsoccer2019 Probably just “I’m having this thought/feeling, I notice it and I’m gonna leave it alone, not worth my time” or something along those lines. One of the biggest things to recovery I believe is sitting with the feeling and not running away from it. It’s an emotion just like any other, when it comes, feel it and then let it go. That trains your mind that it isn’t a big deal and the fear will slowly start to go away. I completely understand the automatic compulsions as this happens to me sometimes. It’s really just practice. If you notice yourself doing the mental compulsions, just stop yourself and focus again on what’s going on. That has helped me a ton

@Evelyn4416 Thanks for this advice. I do a lot of loop tapes where I record my exposures and listen to them on repeat but I need to learn how to stop mental compulsions when they are happening which is honestly all day long.

@footballsoccer2019 I do the same type of exercises as well, maybe some grounding techniques could work in bringing you back into the “now” and not focusing on the mental compulsions

@Evelyn4416 I am learning mindufulness techniques as wel ll such as grounding. I wish I could develop a quick mental script to say whenever I have a “panicked” OCD thought that pops up in my head (which are mostly triggered by bodily sensations causing health anxiety obsessions)

@footballsoccer2019 Well be careful with that because that quick script can be a compulsion, it’s more of just a very basic acknowledgment, no script or words really need to be said

@Evelyn4416 This is why treatment is so tricky. Everything they tell us to do could become a compulsion. I find it very difficult to understand the effectiveness of any of the ocd treatment out there. An exposure can become a compulsion and what once was an exposure can become avoidance etc. I don’t really believe in ERP as an effective treatment model anymore

@footballsoccer2019 ERP is the golden standard but you have to do your own work as well. Watch yourself and how you react, if you notice something becoming a compulsion be aware of it, etc. This is why it’s important to work closely with your therapist when doing treatment. Please don’t write it off just yet, it’s really the best way to heal, but there’s many factors to be aware of

@Evelyn4416 I know I appreciate the support I am just venting because I’m frustrated by the inherent contradictions of ERP. I have used the loop tapes with much success but am in a down rut right now. Maybe I’m not doing the ERP effectively, I don’t know. I was taught to write out my scripts and read them aloud and then I taught myself from reading Grayson’s book to record them into loop tapes. I also do imaginal exposures. I don’t know how much any of this helps as the themes persist still even after 2 years of ERP

@footballsoccer2019 I understand, I’ve been doing ERP for a specific theme and after a year it’s still there, but I will say it’s less frequent and intense. Nothing is perfect I guess, ERP is our best bet but the complexities of the mind are so vast. I hope it does work out for you

@Evelyn4416 Thanks, same for you. The loop tapes seem to really help me and I guess when I look back they did extinguish certain worries of mine. It took a lot of time though and many hours of loop tapes.

If you haven’t done any erp for this theme, it makes sense you are still struggling with it. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed. This is a very common theme and erp would absolutely help if you gave it a shot.

So, you haven’t attempted ERP for it and you haven’t shared with your therapist that it’s what your struggling with. That’s like saying I didn’t tell my personal trainer that my back was hurting so I got injured lifting weights. I guess exercise doesn’t work.

It FEELS impossible. That doesnt mean it is impossible. I understand this is shameful. I dont have sexual orientation ocd but I have ROCD and sexual obsessions, which makes checking while kissing and engaging in intimacy one of my conpulsions as well. It sure felt like I couldnt stop. I HAD TO CHECK if I was attracted to my partner. But believe it or not doing exposures and preventing compulsions have helped!

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I started an exposure script this week for the first time with it but the thoughts still pop up while kissing - how do I stop the compulsive checking while kissing ??

@asdfghj What did you do to specifically stop the compulsions while kissing ?

@asdfghj How much has it helped????

@footballsoccer2019 This is something that takes time. It’s not about changing or stopping any types of thoughts, it’s about practicing being with distress without doing compulsions. Which you’re doing when you’re checking.

@footballsoccer2019 Well I cant stop the thoughts so I still get "I dont like this", "this is disgusting" or images like molestation or kids in my mind and the urges is always a form of checking or figuring out. Is it true I dont like it? Do I feel aroused? Does me thinking of molestation mean that is what I am aroused about? All of this is compulsions. I can choose not to engage in it. I simply try to say: okay, maybe. To whatever thought. I refuse to check or figure out. So we are kissing -> thought shows up "I dont like this, eww!" -> okay, hm a thought, keeps kissing -> "you should figure it out", well maybe I should, but I wont, keeps kissing -> urges persist "but you really should check/figure out it may mean you dont love him or thinks he's disgusting -> yes, maybe it means that, but im not checking, keeps kissing.

@asdfghj Thank you this is very helpful

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I wish I knew how to stop the mental compulsions of analyzing and checking. I haven’t found a suitable method of how to stop mental compulsions and no OCD therapist has ever offered me any actual strategy to employ of how to stop mental compulsions when they are happening on the fly.

@footballsoccer2019 You do them by not doing them. You have to understand that compulsing is something you are actually doing, which means you have agency over deciding not to do it.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett It is very difficult to believe that I have the ability to control mental compulsions. They seem to happen automatically and so often. Having the belief of control is essential I agree.

@footballsoccer2019 Yes. Moving from a position of victimization to control is crucial. The urge to engage in compulsions is incredibly potent, and resisting them has the emotional weight of feeling urgent or impossible. But it is possible. And it’s the key to getting better. Read this article: https://7c6cb58d-d959-49fd-9965-36a82fbeca9e.filesusr.com/ugd/f87cc1_d1904df30a1d4beba1c0eee6084c257d.pdf

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thanks - who is the author of this article?

@footballsoccer2019 Dr. Stephen Phillipson. He’s one of the major figures in the OCD treatment world.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thanks yes I am familiar with him I will read this thanks for sharing

@footballsoccer2019 You’re welcome. Feel free to stop by the Q&A later!

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Yes, thanks for doing that and I’ll tune in tonight!

What IS willpower? I remind myself why I want to get better. I dont want to loose any more to illness. This motivates me to keep trying. We can never ever stop intrusive thoughts from popping up. But we can prevent ourselves from engaging with them.

Thanks I will read this!

This article is excellent thank you. It might have provided me with the analogy that I have been looking for all along. He says if I tell you stop solving a math problem you would just stop. So when an obsession comes in my mind I can tell myself that this like a calculus problem. Since I never took calculus there is no way I can ever figure out the answer. So why waste my time trying to answer my ocd which I can never find an answer to. Maybe another analogy about something that is by definition impossible to solve might be more helpful as calculus has exact answers. Hmmm I will think about it

@footballsoccer2019 Good analogy. This article is also helpful: https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-are-you-justifying-rumination/