I wish so bad that I could go back to being how I was before the anxiety and OCD had taken over my life, and the subsequent medications and their side effects . It’s mostly bodily sensations now. Tension headaches daily. Fast pounding heart rate. Feeling like I’m constantly out of breath. Feeling like I’m going to pass out. My eyes moving involuntarily. Feeling intense anxiety for no apparent reason. Feeling like the ground is moving under me. I’ve tried so many things. Many different meds, many different therapys, and I only seem to be getting worse as the years go on. I’m loosing hope that I’ll get better than I am now.

I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression

OCD can be so isolating. I’m in a health anxiety spiral and struggling at work. I feel like I am failing everywhere and feeling very alone. My support system is tired of hearing about my fears, health wise and work wise. I find myself crying a lot. I don’t particularly enjoy doing anything anymore. I feel like I just can’t get comfortable in my skin or my head sometimes. I’m not sure how to else to describe it. Like nothing soothes me or makes it better. Even sleep is bad dreams and waking up anxious all night. I’ve always felt different from everyone else but when I’m on meds I can fake it better and I feel more connected. I want to go back on SSRI’s but I’ve been dealing with health issues and the meds exacerbate them so am delaying for the time being

I’ve been struggling badly lately. It started with a flare-up of stomach issues that made me go down the rabbit hole. I convinced myself that there was something seriously physically wrong with me even though I’ve been to the doctors numerous times and nothing has ever been found. It made me panic daily for weeks on end. All I could focus on was my stomach and the pain. Now my focus has switched and I’m just as afraid. I can’t really put my finger on it but I just feel like there's something wrong with me. I don't know if it's physical or mental. I almost feel like I’ve broken my brain beyond repair from the constant fear, anxiety, and panic. I just feel trapped in my head all of the time and it freaks me out. The harder I try to escape it the worse it feels. I’ve started to become so aware of my every thought to the point that I can hardly sleep at night. Everything around me just feels so strange. I feel strange. Now I’m just constantly monitoring how I feel and if I’m back to normal. At the same time I’ve been having a lot of existential thoughts like “what’s my purpose,” “what’s the meaning of life,” “do I actually enjoy anything,” “am I happy or will I ever be happy?” I feel like I can’t enjoy anything because I’m always thinking about these things. I’m the most depressed I’ve ever been before. Every second of every day feels like pure torture. My brain tells me that I’ll never get better and that no one will be able to help me. I have no hope.