Anonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
Unfortunately the grieving process of losing someone can’t be sped up. You have to feel it to process it. But if it’s been awhile and you feel like you’re not making progress, it might be helpful to sit down and pin down what you miss about them: was it a way they made you feel? Was it just having companionship? Was there a specific trait? Was it how you thought about yourself when you were with them? Was it just loving the feeling of love? Then challenge any thought distortions you find in these beliefs. If you’ve done CBT, you should know about the common thought distortions to look for and how to challenge them to make more realistic statements. Doing this can help you get past any “stuck points” you’re having in getting over them or the relationship.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
It was a three year relationship and I ended it ten weeks ago . He had good traits but he also had bad traits . He was very possessive and controlling and distorted the truth . Along with those traits he was very paranoid and thought people were out to get him . But when he was good , he made me feel SO LOVED. But when he was mean , he made me feel so low .
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous It’s perfectly normal at this point to still occasionally miss them. When you do though, remind yourself of why you don’t want to be with them and why you’re making a better decision for your future by sticking to the breakup.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Thank you and you make great points . But I am crying almost every day . He made me feel guilty when I broke things off . I think that haunts me . On the flip side , no one should ever make you feel guilty for breaking it off .
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Sounds like he was pretty emotionally manipulative. You would really benefit from seeing a therapist who specializes in CBT and ocd. They could help you tackle some of these sticking points that are keeping you from moving on.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Thank you . I am seeing a therapist who specializes in ERP. But yes , he was very emotionally manipulative and I want to feel guilt free . I was not perfect in that relationship but I just want to forgive myself and realize fully that he was not good for me .
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Being “100% guilt free” may be unrealistic. Everyone contributes to issues in relationships. That’s doesn’t mean it was the wrong choice to leave or make any of his faults or actions less bad. It can be good to also be aware of our own faults so we can grow for the next relationship.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Sorry for the delay . You give great advice . May I ask what state you live in?
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Why do you want to know that?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Do you live in the United States ? If so what state are you in ?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Sorry I read your question wrong . I was wondering if you wanted to exchange numbers ? If not no worries!
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous I prefer communicating through this app
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife No prob !
StorylovelyStorylovely
- Date posted
- 4y
You don’t! However, the process starts (or at least to me) by distancing yourself from them at all costs. Surely, you would still be heartbroken, but in due time you’ll be sooooo grateful that you chose yourself over them, preserving your well-being and happiness. It’s just like they say “rip the bandaid off”
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