Help me pls... I keep thinking i want to be an edgy bad teen who does drugs and wears black and stuff. I don't but I feel like I do and every time I think of things I usually do I get nervous that I am too babyish or lame. What's wrong with me :(

Well, as an edgy adult and former edgy bad teen who wears black and does drugs my opinion is : you don't have to do all that if it's not your vibe, it's not lame. It's cool to try things and experiment but if you force yourself into a box you feel like you don't belong to, you gonna run into bad experiences, it's not very constructive. Also, hard drugs are not that awesome, we expect it to be something intense but not that much. :/

Can I ask how the thought process started? I take it you got anxious that you're lame, so you considered an alternative way of being, which also made you anxious. And you're worried that because you imagined it and have those concerns about your self image, that could mean that you want to be one of these edgy teens? I'm curious about the ways in which it feels like a threat for you. I think there are lots and lots and lots of grey areas that you can spot in this which might help you to let go of the obsession. One would be the idea that drugs are bad and people who use them are bad, another would be that wearing black or being edgy would be a bad thing, another would be the fact that there are all sorts of alternative ways to construct your identity such as nerd/juggalo/activist/gamer/inventor etc. I doubt any teen identities are inherently bad, including the one you described. It almost seems like you're caught between the fears of being judged as uncool and being judged as antisocial, and really my best advice is that all the bullcrap they say about just being yourself isn't bullcrap. I used to think it was. The reality is that building an enjoyable life with friends and hobbies may feel boring at times but all those 'interesting' dramatic alternatives are often pretty lonely, and (speaking as an ex edgy person with edgy friends) most edgy people feel lonely and struggle to feel connected with others, so drugs are a distraction and dark music/fashion are something to bond with others over without having to be vulnerable. Like, having an automatic tribe with other edgy people means you don't face the vulnerability and chance of rejection that you may have experienced from popular people and which you might also get if you're unique/quirky. All the edgy kids I knew had been unpopular or had low self esteem had a lot of at-home issues which made them want that edgy tribe, they weren't bad people and most had hidden interests and talents they didn't think would be embraced by others. Being edgy is a coping mechanism, not a sign of being a bad person. By and large if you know an edgy person who you find scary or judgmental, all they actually want is to be liked, and if you're kind to them even though they're bristly, they warm up to you. Being you is just fine. Lots of people who grew up sheltered or just fit in with the mainstream well, have self-image questions where they judge themselves as childish or boring or uncool. And they even imagine what it would be like to be an #edgyteen, lots of teenagers try that out for a while too, identity is a very fluid thing and teen years are exactly the time where everyone tries out different things to get a sense of what they like. It's fine and normal to have self esteem questions and thoughts about whether you should develop a different identity, they don't mean that you're going to have an alternative identity forced on you against your will. So I think that questioning whether that's what you want is probably just making things worse. Are there parts about this idea which cause particular anxiety, such as the implications for how your parents would see you or what your life would be like?