I know I HAVE ocd, but I am so convinced this is not like my regular ocd and maybe part of it is ocd, but it’s not all ocd and it’s never going to get better. I feel anxious sometimes, but most of the time I just feel a severe urge to immediately get better. Nothing interests me and if something does interest me it’s immediately tainted in my brain and I can’t enjoy it anymore, I genuinely can’t see a future for myself unless I think of what it would be like if my ocd were true and I don’t want that future. I’m super restless, because I can’t enjoy anything and I can’t keep my attention on anything. I keep thinking what’s the point, and the whole day I’m on edge waiting to be able to go to sleep again. I feel like the only reasons I’m holding on are my family and my friends, which are good reasons, but it’s like I’m gone. My family and my friends are the most important to me, but if I’m gone what is there to give what is the point? And if my obsessions are true, going to come true, etc, then I don’t want that future anyways.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I know precisely what you're talking about and OCD can most definitely taint your good moments. As soon your brain experiences joy, you'll have OCD in the backseat waving it's arms all around shouting "look at me! Look at me! You certainly cannot forget about your old pal OCD!" Point being, it's an obsession AND a thought loop. There cycle can be broken and it will be whether you do it yourself or it eventually does it automatically. Your brain will grow tired of the loop and simply throw it out.

Anon4

Date posted: 4y

Thank you for responding. I appreciate your input. 🙂

emma18

Date posted: 4y

I feel the same way. But your obsessions are not true, they are just trying to get a reaction out of you. Are you currently in therapy of any kind? I bet it would be really beneficial for you to talk to a professional about this

Anon4

Date posted: 4y

I’m in therapy. I just don’t feel like ERP does anything for me:

emma18

Date posted: 4y

@MegB Maybe you need a different approach? Or maybe you aren’t doing it the exact way you should? That’s something you should bring up to your therapist! If you feel it’s not working then you need to communicate that. It’s very important

Anon4

Date posted: 4y

@erma12 I do communicate it. I’m also obsessed with everything working correctly. I just feel like I’m a spiral of obsessions that are preventing me from getting better and I don’t know how to stop this thought process.

emma18

Date posted: 4y

@MegB The truth is you just have to be strong. Keep working on your erp and do more research to see if there’s anything else you can be doing. I’m not the right person to talk to about this because I’m very new to this myself. But I get stuck in those thoughts too sometimes but it’s important not to give into them. We have to stay strong and know that one day we will conquer this

Anon4

Date posted: 4y

@erma12 Thank you. Just really struggling rn and not coping very well. I appreciate the responses.

Anon4

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous I haven’t been doing erp for long, but I feel like I’m not experiencing anxiety from the exposures. I haven’t been experiencing a ton of anxiety for a couple weeks now and I hadn’t even started erp until last week. I just feel broken.

Anon4

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous Gotcha. Thanks for the advice! I’ll talk to my therapist

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