- Username
- AdamH
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes OMG in exactly the same ? I always thought I was straight but recently accepted that I could be bisexual. However this Hocd is trying to convince me I’m only attracted to women. I hate it coz I’ve always been attracted to men. It’s exhausting. I get the urges aswell they are the worst coz they feel so real and uncontrollable :/
I feel the pain in your message..... It is exhausting, I've been in recovery for around 6 months, symptoms have definitely decreased however the lingering doubts are constantly there, annoying and painful, just want to be able to be in a meaningful happy relationship, omg!!!
Yes, its so FRUSTRATING! I'm starting to actually doubt my sexuality, that maybe I am only attracted to the same sex, lately I haven't been finding women attractive, I feel very awkward around them, and all I notice is the males, I look at them solely which is strange because this was not the case around one year ago before OCD struck. I don't even know anymore.... I'm trying to accept the uncertainty however I'm frightened that maybe I am actually exclusively attracted to the same sex.
Same problem! It’s so nice to finally meet another bi person with the same issue!
@Pink Dinosaur Yes, I was afraid I was just in denial for such a long time hence why I didn't seek treatment, because usually those who have HOCD tend to be entirely straight and they fear become homosexual. Whereas I was Bi prior to OCD, now it's convincing me I'm entirely gay and just in denial.
Does your ocd try to convince you your only attracted to one gender ?
@AhmedH Me too! Sometimes it tries to tell me that I’m 100% straight and that I’m just taking resources away from actual LGBT people. :/ I feel as if bisexuality already comes with a certain element of confusion, OCD just makes it worse.
The thing with me is even though I know I am attracted to both genders (prior to OCD), I made a rational decision not act upon my Homosexual desires due to personal reasons (not homophobic). However since OCD I am constantly feeling strong urges, impulses, aggressive thoughts that I have to come out to the world and start being with the same sex, sometimes it feels I am being forced to do something deep down I know I have no desire to do so.
Anyone with HOCD ever feel this strong feeling that they may be 'in denial' and that eventually you will have to come out to the world and live that Gay lifestyle. I am honestly just tired of this, it feels like I am being severely pushed into something I deep down know I don't want, I don't know how long I can last. I am accepting the thoughts, urges and feelings however it's too exhausting, too distressing and too painful, it feels like I am repressing myself, repressing my 'true identity' and I need to just go with whatever my thoughts and urges are telling me to.
HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?
I’ve struggled with HOCD for 4 years now and it’s awful. It started with a dream, and now it’s all I think about. Whenever my brain tries to tell me I’m in denial, I tell myself that the volume and severity of the thoughts I’m having aren’t normal which makes me feel a little better. I’m a woman who has always liked men, I’ve had INTENSE crushes on guys in the past. Even with HOCD I still have crushes. But lately it feels like I’m not even attracted to guys anymore - any time I see a pretty girl I check and see if there’s any sort of physical sensation accompanying it and sometimes there is. I don’t get turned on during sex anymore and I constantly attribute that to being possibly gay. It’s terrifying and I worry that my fears will come true if I don’t fight the thoughts, but they keep coming. I have no aversion to the LGBTQ+ community at all, I completely support them, but if I was lesbian it would erase all of what I’ve ever known about myself and that is what scares me. I used to hate being so boy crazy but now I want that back just so I don’t have to deal with these thoughts anymore. I go to therapy and take medication but don’t really talk about the thoughts out of the fear that acknowledging them out loud makes them true. I know I’m not alone, so if you’re also struggling with HOCD I hear you. <3
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