I'm not doing well... My life is a mess...I just can't do this anymore

^^^ !!!

No I'm not alright...I didn't realize how far I had fallen until it was too late. I just can't see a future where I'm ever okay or I'm ever able to just be happy

@Raine22 hey please don’t say that!! it’s never too late, are you currently in therapy or anything like that? i promise things will get better for you even if it doesn’t seem like it

@saltedcrabs No I'm not in therapy... No one knows.... No one understands the constant thoughts I have to deal with everyday No one understands the struggles of trying to calm my tics down when I'm with people No one knows that when I need to feel something I sit with a knife to my thighs and cut away just to feel human No one knows that I go days without food just because I hate the way I look No one knows that the reason way I almost ended up in the hospital last week is because I hadn't eaten but ofcourse they wouldn't know because I lied to everyone telling them that it was because of stress and school No one knows that I can't sleep at night because of anxiety No one knows anything because I just can't...I can't seem to get it out and so far I've proven to be pretty great acting which is why no one even asks if I'm alright because I'm the happy one, I'm the hyper/ fun girl that loves hanging out with friends, I'm the girl the everyone comes to for advice but is left with no one when I need to talk, I'm the girl that wears a fake face day by day that at this point I don't even know who I am anyone.

@Raine22 jesus i’m so sorry you’re going through all of that- :( i know it’s hard to ask for help but it really does help and is worth it in the end!! i was super scared to tell my parents about my ocd aswell because they were super sure of me being okay and yelled and mocked me whenever i mentioned even thinking about being depressed but when i seriously told them what i was going through they got me help almost instantly

@saltedcrabs Thank you for the advice. I think my biggest problem is that my dad has pure ocd but he has more compulsions and I have more obsessions and he knows that I have OCD but I've only told about my somatic ocd so he knows nothing about my harm ocd...and he's a pastor so I feel like he's just going to tell me that I need to pray and that's it...like yes I need to pray but I need serious help... And my mother forget it, I could never say anything to her...idk I just can't. My family isn't exactly close and sometimes I feel like I live with a bunch of strangers

@Raine22 And my somatic ocd is nothing compared to my pure and harm ocd...I mean the constant checking and thoughts of disgusting unimaginable things I see myself doing to people

@Raine22 oh wow i’ve definitely been there before! i was near suicidal for a while especially since my mom refused to believe there was nothing wrong with me, she thought i was just being a moody teen even though i showed alot of symptoms of mental illness in the past. plus according to her i didn’t even have a reason to be sad 🗿

@saltedcrabs also- my dad was better was mental illness related things but he’s a serious christian aswell so i thought he would of also told me to pray it away or whatever, but surprisingly when i went in depth about them both with my feelings and my ocd they agreed with getting me therapy

@saltedcrabs it was scary and the conversation lasted a while but it was helpful and way overdue! i recommend you trying to talk to them anyway even if it seems hopeless my family’s FAR from perfect but they even got me help lol