Hi everyone! Kyle here. I wanted to share a little story and see if any one of you have experienced this as well. When my intrusive thoughts began, it started with POCD. That overtook my life for a few months, and finally after doing research I found out it was OCD. Once I found that out, I began doing more research into OCD and came across all the subtypes. Well - as I got familiar with more subtypes, my OCD saw that as an opportunity to grab on to those. So just from reading, I absorbed Harm OCD. My intrusive thoughts switched so fast from POCD to Harm OCD it was shocking. I couldn’t believe I was now having those thoughts. After that, I read about Suicidal OCD and it jumped to that. From there, I read about Existential OCD, and that became my main obsession. Has anyone else had this experience?

Thank you for sharing. Existential OCD is when you question your reality or purpose. I think mine started bc when my OCD was at its worst - I was having panic attacks every day and was experiencing extreme disassociation and depersonalization. This turned into me thinking I was going schizophrenic. Which I hear is common among us OCD sufferers. So bc of that, my OCD fed off of the idea of me losing my mind or just overall feeling like life isn’t real. So I began questioning is life real? What is anything? How do we know what the truth is about anything? Which all boils down to uncertainty which we know OCD only wants to be certain.

To be honest you are the first person I’ve heard talk about Beastiality - and I experienced this as well along with the POCD. So yes, being around animals is you exposing yourself to that fear. POCD is so hard.. I want nothing more than to protect children and I know in my heart I would never do anything to hurt a child ever. I would jump in front of bullet for a child. In my case, I think my POCD started bc I have such love and care for children. So of course OCD attacks anything you actually care about. I didn’t think anything would help me get over those terrible thoughts. But ERP therapy saved my life, and keep in mind you will not feel this way forever.

@NOCD Advocate - Kyle Lucas I’m a gay teen and my dream was to always have 3 kids for some reasons (2 boys) and 1 girl and ofc a husband...and POCD really is getting down and making me upset. And I love animals so much, this may sound weird but it feels sometimes I would take a bullet for my cat. Ocd just sucks

@noone800 I totally understand. OCD does suck, but the important thing is that ERP exists and can bring you back to your “normal” self. I live so happily now and I never thought that would be possible again. I want you to know, you can still have all those things you just mentioned! I am now comfortable with having children again and understand what my OCD is, and that I am NOT my OCD. You are not your OCD either. It’s something you have. You will have kids and a husband one day! First things first, you have to focus on yourself to get better, after that everything will fall into place!

@NOCD Advocate - Kyle Lucas Yeah I know! I’ve had POCD for 9 months now and the only thing I really suffer from now is little things like the groinal and thoughts of “what if I am a pedophile.” Or like “omg do I like that kid.” I’m on medicine rn which reduces my anxiety which is also good

@noone800 I’m glad to hear your anxiety has reduced! That’s great. Exposure therapy will add to that benefit.

Yep exactly! So annoying right? But the important thing is we know how to handle it!

Yes so many different themes - mine would literally be strong harm ocd one day and then strong existential the next. It was so quick changing