Hey everyone! My name is Evelyn and I’m a new NOCD Advocate :-) I’ve been dealing with OCD for over a year now, struggling with themes such as Suicidal OCD, Existential OCD, and so on. Doing therapy through NOCD and learning how to do ERP has changed my life for the better! I’m here for you all as a fountain of support and encouragement - remember you are stronger than you think you are!

Thanks so much! :-)

Yes of course! What’s going on?

Hey! Haven’t really dealt too much with POCD but the sexual themes I’ve mainly faced have been more directed toward my family (parents, sibling)!

Thanks so much! :-)

Yeah of course! Sorry for the late reply! What’s up?

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn I guess my main worry is that I won’t feel like my old self. That I feel like reality or my life won’t go back to normal. I sometimes get glimpses of my old self but it’s so hard to imagine me being like the fun, care free person I use to be. My main worry is like my view of reality as crazy as that sounds. Have you felt like your normal self even though these ideas and feelings have been coming? Thanks again for your time!

@username12345 I totally understand where you’re coming from, i definitely deal with the whole reality aspect of the existential theme, such as what if I’m not real, what if nothing around me is real, what if I’m in a dream/simulation/etc. Anything about the topic of reality really! There have been times where the fear and intrusive thoughts are so strong it’s like my world view feels completely shaken and won’t return to how I felt before. However focusing my ERP on that theme has helped so much in decreasing that fear, and in turn, having myself feel like myself again more and more. So it’s definitely possible! We consistently have to do our homework for OCD recovery, but each time we do it improves. Before when it was bad, I thought how could I ever get back to how it was before? But we just learn to get to a place where when the thought comes in, we aren’t bothered by it anymore and we’re able to move on

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Thank you so much for your reply, and the whole world view thing is so true 🙄, that’s the part I hate the most. It’s like spend my whole life building myself up and ocd decides, “no that doesn’t look right”, and then tries to bring everything down. So as you get better, you don’t feel like a sense of “oh I’m totally changed forever” it’s more of like, “ok these were just crazy thoughts and now I’m feeling like myself again”?

@username12345 I don’t even think it’s acknowledging they were crazy, it just doesn’t bother you as much anymore or even at all. So you might have the thought pop up but you either spend less time on it (which is improvement even if it’s still triggering in my opinion), or the thought comes and it’s not seen as scary and maybe even interesting - in which you then move on to whatever other thought comes next. Overall it does get better but you have to make sure youre doing ERP for it - that’s the one thing that has helped me through this theme. There can also be times where it’ll pop up again if you hit a spike, that happened to me recently, but I still consider it improvement because I was able to use the tools I learned from therapy, did ERP specifically for it, and instead of triggering me to a level 10 and lasting for a long time, it now only triggered me to a 7 for example and lasted a shorter time. Do I continue doing my ERP for it to improve? Yes! But I still consider it progress as it has been getting better over time. But with improvement, you just don’t stay stuck on the fears anymore!

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Thanks again! Sorry for the late reply, I’ve definitely been seeing some improvement with everything and it’s getting better little by little, but it’s really hard. I really hate this theme in particular, just cause it can pop up at like any moment , but if it’s ocd it can be treated, so that’s what matters haha. But yea, just wanted to say thanks! Really appreciate you taking the time to respond :)

@username12345 Of course!! I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling better and yes OCD can get so much better! Remember you have gotten past your bad days and will continue to get past them in the future should they come up - you got this!

Thanks Lauren!

😊

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Thank you!!!!

How can I help? :-)

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn how to cope with the thought that I died and went to hell

@pijama We avoid falling into compulsions and acknowledge the thoughts we have. So with what you’re dealing with, when these thoughts occur, don’t fight back on them, question them, or try to analyze them. Mental compulsions happens a lot (I know it does with me at times) so being aware of those is key. Self-reassurance, trying to cover the “bad” thoughts with “good” ones, trying to “convince” yourself other, rumination, etc are considered compulsions. We instead acknowledge the thoughts are happening. So when it happens, be like “I’m having this thought about it, gonna continue to go about my day anyways”. Don’t get it the attention it doesn’t deserve. This trains our mind that this isn’t something we need to be alert about. With time and practice, it becomes easier to do this and the intensity and frequency of the thoughts will begin to decline. ERP helps a lot as well if you are doing it or are interested in doing so, as it involves triggering yourself with exposures and preventing yourself from responding with compulsions

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn But i dont know if its ocd, or its true

@pijama That’s OCD in a nutshell - also known as the doubting disorder. Are you seeking any treatment currently for it?

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn I take pills

@pijama You should look into therapy 😊they teach you how to overcome ocd through ERP. Unfortunately we can't get better from ocd with just antidepressants

@pijama Just like ButterflyStar said! The main way to begin overcoming OCD is through therapy, specifically doing ERP working with an OCD specialist. NOCD is a great resource to do so with teletherapy and affordable prices :-) I honestly highly recommend it. Just only taking pills isn’t enough because you don’t know the tools to handle OCD

Yeah of course!

Yes of course! I have Reddit and Instagram whichever works for you :-) or just here in the chat!

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Thank you! I started ERP a few days ago, i’m only in the beginning so it feels really scary and like I’m convincing myself of the thoughts. I struggle with the thought of suicide being on my mind ALL day and I’ve had some mental images as well. I guess I’m just wondering if you had these same feelings in the beginning of therapy or any tips to deal with that? Also, I know everyone’s situation is different but how long did you do ERP before seeing results? (Sorry for asking so many questions! Lol)

@Anonymous No worries ask as many questions as you’d like! And I apologize for the late response! I’ve dealt with exactly this before starting ERP - all day just intrusive thoughts/images/feelings/urges etc all about suicide and it was extremely distressing as I didn’t want that! With starting ERP, you’re right in the beginning and it can seem worse before it gets better because now you’re facing OCD head on for the first time. Remember to keep pressing on as it is so so worth it and you will see results (make sure you aren’t doing compulsions - mental or physical!). Focus on doing your ERP ( I tried aiming for 1-2 exercises a day but that was my own personal experience), and what I like to do is reward myself afterwards, whether that be watch a show I enjoy, eat my favorite snack, hang out with a friend, etc anything you like! Especially since some exercises, more so in the beginning, can be mentally and even physically exhausting to do so enjoyment and rest afterwards is important. I’d also recommend looking into mindfulness practice as it helped me to do ERP better and just help begin to change the mindset we have toward our thoughts - I used the free Basics 1 course on the Headspace app and it has 10 lessons. Self-care is important as well, if you need to rest then do it, connect with support groups, reach out, educate yourself on OCD in general, etc. all has helped with my journey starting ERP and improvement overall. In my personal experience I started seeing some bigger improvements I wanna say 2-ish months after doing EPR - that isn’t to say there wasn’t any improvement before that, there was! Just it’s little increments that build and build and I was able to see “wow I am really improving!” at around the 2 month mark :-)

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Thank you so much for the advice!! Another thing, were you able to go to work or school or something to keep you busy with all this going on? This all started for me like two weeks after I lost my job, and I only do online school so I’m alone with my thoughts ALOT! I guess I’m wondering if you think having a job or something to keep my mind occupied would help?

@Anonymous I was actually in an online masters program when my OCD first appeared, starting ERP, etc! When it first appeared it was hard to focus on my classes but later on once I was able to be busy with my work the thoughts would stay at bay until I was done for the day. I briefly had a job and it did help with distraction at time but as soon as I got off work it would come back. With ERP and everything though you start learning and implementing that we don’t want to avoid or completely distract from the thoughts, but instead notice they’re happening and letting them be to leave while we continue living our lives :-)

Is it ok if I join in? I have a fear of suicide for myself and my loved ones

@Embracing Uncertainty Yeah of course! What’s going on?

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn I learned about suicide at a young age when I started to self harm. It runs in the family and I’ve been obsessed that someone is going to die if I don’t intervene. My S/O suffers from depression and these thoughts, but when other self harm, I freak out and think that it could really happen. But when I try to intervene, I can’t control things or anyone anyway. I just go straight to fight or flight and obsess that I’m going to mess up or make things worse and that I wasn’t there for them.

@Embracing Uncertainty I’ve also been there where I get scared my loved ones could potentially kill them selves. It makes me wanna check on them, ask how they’re doing, make sure they’re fine all the time but realistically we don’t have that control. That’s when it comes down to us learning to be okay with uncertainty, even though it’s hard to do so. When our loved ones are dealing with depression, all we can do is be there for support/love and offer resources, but beyond that we have to let it be. That’s when you focus on yourself and not fall into the compulsions of checking their well-being constantly as it makes OCD worse. It takes time and practice with ERP and changing how we react and view situations, but it’s possible and will lead us to a more peaceful and accepting life

I would recommend reaching out to NOCD support and express your interest in becoming an advocate!

Once you complete all of your therapy sessions, you’ll get an email from NOCD where you can fill out a questionnaire and apply to be an advocate! :)

@NOCD Advocate - Elizabeth L. That’s cool! Don’t the therapy sessions cost money tho?🤭

I will say that reassuring yourself and avoidance in those thoughts are actually compulsions and will make your OCD worse. Doing ERP (exposure and response prevention) has been the best way to start overcoming the grasp OCD can have. Mindfulness has also been a huge factor in changing the view of our thoughts - working on a mindset of acknowledging the thoughts that come in without judgement and then letting them go. The less attention we give the fears, the less OCD will have the upper hand.

I was reached out by NOCD after completing the program asking if I wanted to become an advocate, however I would reach out and ask them if you’re interested!

As of now, NOCD is only offered in the US, but keep an eye out for information on international expansion in the future!

YES I've had similar thoughts but until ERP came into my life it's all manageable now. ERP has saved me Good luck too you.