Hello NOCD family! My name is Danielle... but my peeps call me Dani! Let me start by introducing myself. I am a 40-year-old Christian mother of three and wife of a wonderfully understanding husband. I have OCD and my themes have been ROCD, Sexual Orientation OCD and POCD. This year in early March I started having unwanted and intrusive thoughts that would continuously interrupt everything that I wanted to do in life. Shortly after I found the NOCD app and the program. I immediately sought out ERP and therapy. With the help of my NOCD therapist Tanya, medication (in my case) and ERP I can truly say that I’m living a better quality of life and each day is getting better. It is a very hard and sometimes tedious road. But if I can do it. I know you can too! I’m here for you all whenever you want to talk, rant, cry or just tell OCD to kick rocks!

Hey! That’s the way it goes, ups and downs, highs and lows but that’s life for everyone. I’ve found that when I’m stressed the thoughts come through heavy and then it’s time to rumble lol. I practice ERP intentionally each day even in good days, that way on the not-so-good days when the thoughts try to intrude I’m ready and capable to let them be there and actually challenge their existence. We can live with anxiety and OCD. We make the rules though. I hope this helps

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle I try and do 2-3 sessions daily! It can be tough but I’m sticking with it! How long did your ERP therapy take to start to feel consistent benefits?

@mallorycg4 At least 4 months. I have a lot more good days than not so good. Be it’s an up hill battle

I understand.. I do too, that's actually what my OCD revolves around. I encourage you to seek therapy 😊either locally or through this app!

Hi Danielle, are you still answering questions??

Same to you and thank you for the kind words! Believe me I’m still a work in progress, it’s a process some days are better than others but knowing exactly what to do with what we deal with daily is a blessing and the breakthrough that I’ve been praying for

That’s so true. But Jesus has overcome the world and through Him, we have the Victory! It’s already won!

That’s really tough. I had the fear that I was allergic to so much I ate nothing but soup and drank water for almost three months. I lost 50lbs but it wasn’t the way I wanted to lose the weight. So dreadful. Have you started any therapy for this?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Yes but at this time I can't communicate with my therapist much. I really hate this feeling and I pray so much to get over this.

@Love12 I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Don’t stop praying. I remember when I actually prayed to Him about everything that was in my mind, how my body felt and the depression that came with it all.(although age knows what we’re going through even if we don’t open our mouths). I was embarrassed and ashamed then after awhile each day I could see a bit of a breakthrough. I still have not so good days but I’m preparing for those staying in prayer and meditation, self compassion and rest. Staying active and trying to eat what’s good for my body and brain.

Thank you and awww you’re sweet! Feel free to share and tear up whenever possible, sometimes that cry is a sweet release❤️

I’m here to heal as well and sharing without judgment or ridicule is so freeing. I just wish that mental health got the same respect and energy as any other medical issues. I believe the pandemic kicked my OCD into full throttle

❤️

Hi Becca. How did you deal with your continuation OCD ? I deal with this also. The thoughts for me are soooo overwhelming I can’t take it and I have to clean. This pandemic has made things worse for me. I’ve been doing therapy for 4 weeks. Sometimes I just can’t get my thoughts to stop. This pandemic is the worse thing that could have happened to me

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Hi Dani. I’ve been dealing with contamination OCD for 15 year. I reacently found this program and began therapy in Dec. Some days feel impossible I’m feel defeated like things will never get better. I’m really trying with this therapy and I have noticed some progress but I don’t feel any better I feel like Im in such a dark place. I don’t even know who I am anymore. The pandemic has made things worse for me

Hi Becca. How did you deal with your contamination OCD as I’ve been dealing with this for 15 years. This pandemic has made things worse for me. At time the thoughts are so overwhelming they won’t stop and I have to clean. I’ve had six scession with an OCD therapist so far. I’ve seen some progress I’ve touched things I’ve avoided for 4 plus years but I still feel like I’m in such a dark place

@Anonymous I wrote another message but somehow it got lost after sending it. Oh well! Hello I'm sorry that you're going through this. Recovery isn't linear at all. We all will have days like this but eventually they'll be far from each other. How often do you try to do ERP?

@Shamika Hi Shamika! I struggled with contamination OCD for 18 years before getting the help I needed. This pandemic was honestly my breaking point for getting the help that I needed. My advice is to keep sticking with your OCD specialist and putting in the hard work with ERP. It’s definitely not fun and goes against everything your head is telling you, but it works! I have true freedom now because of NOCD and the help they gave me! You got this friend!

@NOCD Advocate - Becca Horsfall How long did you do therapy before you started to see real results?

@Shamika I started to see small results after about three weeks, but I didn’t feel truly free until I completeld the program. Honestly, I still have slip ups now and then. But I am able to recognize and correct without feeling like my OCD is controlling me again. How has your ERP therapy been going?

Yes Lord! It is. You finish the program and then they ask, I guess, but you can always volunteer too. I would email NOCD to inquire

Sure! I'll be here for you

This too shall pass just remember He knew we were going to be diagnosed with OCD and that our paths would cross and that our hearts are still pure. We aren't the thoughts that pop into our heads. Seek Him first and remember He sees you and hears you. He loves us! God bless you

Thank you! I'm here whenever you need to talk

Hey in this situation we observe the sensations, feelings and don’t give them value. Intentional exposures help because you are requesting the anxiety to accompany the thought etc. continue to do ERP and just make a note about what’s happening, use the ERP portion of this app to chart your progression.

@Anonymous🍋 Try your best to be intimate with him even with the thoughts. The issue with OCD is these type of thoughts make us feel like we have to be 100% of the "correct" answer. We live with uncertainty all of the time each day but for some reasons these types demand a definite answer. I have listened to love songs and had visions of women but it's just an image and doesn't mean anything. I've been intimate with my husband and had a thought about my children too. I know it's hard but these thoughts can't hurt us, they may make us quite uncomfortable but we must try to live out lives and uphold our values and continue to fight against this thing. You can do this!

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle hi danielle finally someone that explained what i’m going through. i have been intimate and have images and thoughts of children and family members. how did u get over it? i would love to know more it’s eating me up

@Anonymous Started ERP therapy at NOCD, continuous and intentional ERP exercises as much as possible. I have some bad days but not nearly as many as before. Even the bad days aren't spent ruminating the entire day any longer plus I recognize my triggers now.

Hi Danielle. Sorry you're going through a rough time My OCD is the exact same. I would say to research Scrupolosity OCD. Also start to pray about getting therapy. Ocd needs CBT therapy with Exposure Prevention Response Treatment, or ERP for short. That's how we get better from ocd. God will guide your recovery😊 Most of all, God knows all about your ocd and is never 'holding it against' you or anything. He loves you so much and WILL help you! You will come out more Christ like through this time of suffering.. That's what He does with our pain. Our suffering is not in vain. God bless

Stay exactly who you are! Love our God and lean into him. I actually deal with this from time to time but it pulls me in closer to Him. I feel like Paul... Could this been our thorn? All I know is I couldn't have made it through this if it wasn't for His strength. Just keep loving and pouring into others, that helps me a lot. Thank you for sharing

@ButterflyStar Amen to that! This is our wilderness and He will never leave you nor forsake you! Just like you said becoming more Christ like. I like to think it's the Potters Wheel for me, molding me into what my purpose in this life is. We'll be just like gold after this

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Wow, seeing other Christians go through this is so encouraging. I have felt so lonely lately and this is amazing. Thank you!

Are you seeing a NOCD therapist at all or tried ERP exercises yet? When you have these encounters use them as exposures if you can, notice the urge, feeling, sensation and thought. Note how long that lasts don’t try to change anything. I know from experience it’s hard, my head hurts sometimes and you feel terrible afterwards but I promise the more you do try to remove the thoughts or anything associated with them. The easier it is deal to have those thoughts and carry on with what ever is important to you.

Ok great! You'll need them to perhaps help you by asking at a certain time each day, "have you done your exposure exercises? " I set an alarm and my husband and children know I should be doing something whether it's meditating or exposures

😑 ok then what will you do about it? You already know what the issue is

If you don't mind me asking what are afraid of or what stops you from doing the exercises?

That means you'll have different ways to expose yourself. Try the one that doesn't bring so much anxiety first

You can do this! I got your back, we all do! Its hard but it's worth it!

That's how I felt too but Im a Bible nerd now (due to OCD) and reading the Living Word confirms that He loved us before we were made/conceived. He is with us in this wilderness

Hey! Ok, well God loves us regardless of what we are, remember? He loves us even when we are angry at Him. As a matter of fact He can handle that anger, He knew that’s exactly how you would feel. I’ve been married for almost 10 years, have only been with men intimately/sexually for my entire adult life and as a child I knew that boys gave me the butterflies. I’ve always found men attractive but I have never had a problem giving another Queen her props, but one day in April my mind decided to tell me “that the reason that I can say that a woman is beautiful and have a grand time with at gay clubs was because I was gay and it’s all been a lie!. “ As far as my beliefs go, I trust that God is with me in the mental health challenges that I face each day.

Are you in NOCD therapy yet? Tried ERP?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle I just miss who I was before this, like being boy crazy. Like even after this has happened I can’t see myself with a women like I can think some women are pretty but that’s it. I’m glad that I don’t get sexual intrusive thoughts because I would be way worse... the thing is also I grew up in a Catholic household so I always wanted to wait until marriage I thought that was beautiful to wait for my husband to do that but now I feel like waiting was just a waste. Like I still want to be intimate with a man and only a man, but my thoughts tell me when I’m talking to a guy he’s not gonna like you after you tell him everything he’s going to think you’re in denial and leave you. Like I’m scared of being hurt and I find it really hard to open up about this which I will have to to any guy I date because I get triggered when people say the word gay, or anything having to do with sexuality, seeing gay people or seeing girls. Like I’ve left two guys because of this, and it makes me so upset because I had my first boyfriend after I had this thought so I never got to fully experience what could have been the best thing ever because he was my boyfriend and first kiss and all of it was ruined by this thought. And I’ve been recently thinking about what if I just identify as bi, but I don’t want to be with women. But I feel like people are already starting to notice that I get nervous (triggered) by such things and are going think something is up. Like I don’t even want to leave my house anymore it’s where I feel safe.

@Ximena G Ok I’ve been there too. My therapist recommended that I watch a documentary about masculine women and approach women just to say hi. Of course it sounded wild and I was clearly against that but once I started to accept this was possibly the only way I could get better I did it. My husband knows exactly what’s going on, I shared everything with him. He didn’t say much because they isn’t much to say or do when this happens. I’m glad he didn’t offer any radiance and in all honesty he seem not to be surprised at all with the intrusive thoughts. You would be surprised to how many people actually would understand and embrace you with your struggles. If you are with a person that you can trust, you’ll know it. You will be able to freely share what’s going on with him. If you haven’t started NOCD therapy. I would highly suggest you give them a call. I know it sounds frightening but I am a testimony to how well it works

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle I’ve been having a rough couple of days but with the tools that I have now, I can navigate through and actually turn things around quicker than before.

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Love your advice Danielle! Thank you for helping people

@ButterflyStar Aww. Thank you so much for that! I’m just trying to do what others did for me!

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Show my appreciation for the program and community by paying it forward

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Right I will try this approach, thank you for responding. I feel like I let go of a good guy and I feel so bad about it, but my anxiety and thoughts were too much. I’m glad that you said people would understand my struggles, when I was with him I always thought he could do better or why would he want me and I would believe these thoughts. I never actually thought about it that way, my assumption was if I open up about this to him I’m going to get hurt and he’s going to leave me but looking back at it his actions and words aligned. I will definitely start NOCD therapy thank you for the advice Danielle. Another thing I’d like to ask you is which these type of intrusive thoughts can they actually change someone? Like I know they’re just thoughts but I’ve never experienced something like this in my life, I’m sorry I feel like I’m asking for reassurance when I should just embrace uncertainty.

@Ximena G You’re starting on the right road already. Accept uncertainty!! Thank you for opening up and sharing this with me. Call for your consultation appt ASAP! You’ll be thankful for it

So today was a particularly not so good day for me so what I did was tell myself that I could deal/cope with whatever thought or feelings that accompany the thoughts. I repeat that when I get triggered

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle When POCD comes knocking I force myself to be around my children more often, I hug them more, the thoughts come pouring in but I just let them come in and make up a story in my mind about the worst that could happen if my thoughts come true.

Sit with the feeling just be with it. Tell yourself it’s just a thought and the thought can’t hurt you. It’s just that a thought!

Yes I definitely have almost every day. I turn those thoughts into exposures for me, I beat OCD at its game. If you want to make me sound like a monster, let me at least control what type of monster I can be 🤷🏽‍♀️

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle It’s weird because my anxiety only starts or is triggered after I interact with my children, not while or before but right after 🤨

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Thanks for replying to me! I saw your recent NOCD live and I LOVE your energy. Yes, I’ve experienced what you have as well. I had so many intrusive thoughts about my niece and just family members in general. Wondering if I really have hurt them. And I feel like I keep waiting for them to hate me and I would check and check for reassurance and all they do is hug me and show me they love me. How do you stop feeling guilty about your thoughts and questioning your identity or wondering if your children are really okay?

@April Awww, thank you! I really enjoyed doing that, I had been having a not so great day and when they asked is I would be able to do that, I jumped at the opportunity quickly. To answer your question, I've stopped owning the intrusive thoughts, the difference between the regular thoughts that line up with our values and our true selves and the unwanted ones that completely come out of left field and knock is off of our square. I still get intrusive thoughts about my babies almost everyday but I continue to stay focus on what's important to me, by being the mom they need me to be and showing them affection everytime I can. I don't want them to suffer out on having a loving Mom around because my mind is telling me that I'm not what I think I am

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle How can I watch your most recent live?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Thanks so much for your answer! I really appreciate it. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone. When I doubt who I am, I think of the people who love me including my therapists who’ve know literally everything about me lol. I agree I’m in the beginning of recovery stages so I still struggle. I do show my family love and affection and try to be the best aunt and cousin possible despite all of my thoughts that come up. I accept and offer hugs too! I hope you’re having a good day today. If not, you will be able to handle it. Thank you for the advice as well! :)

@Ximena G Tell me what you think and if you have any questions? I'll be sure to help where I can🤗

@April You're welcome and thank you for being so awesome and sharing with me. You help others as well, we are all in this thing together!! Sending encouragement and good vibes your way!! 🤗😁

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Thank you. That means a lot. You’re helping so many people. When I’m in a better place, I want to help people just like you are. I can’t wait and will continue to work until I get there. Thanks for that inspiration!

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Ah I found it, thank you so much Danielle I appreciate it!😊

I would say lean into that uncertainty, I watched Dr McGrath on one of our Weds night YouTube live streams last week and he explained that a therapist would not have you do anything that goes against your beliefs but the objective of ERP is to accept the uncertainty of what the intrusive thoughts bring