Sometimes I am so overwhelmed that I look forward to this all ending and wishing Jesus would call me home to Heaven. Where there is no suffering, no pain, no tears. I feel no peace or ability to cope on days like this. And to think I have to continue life with suffering is so hard, but that I have to do it, it is an overwhelming thought 😢😢😢.. I just want to go sometimes so that the suffering will end.

Thank you so much nisha. Your comments really do help me in my moments. I really appreciate it!! ❤️❤️

@ButterflyStar of course! please hang in there and engage in some self care if you can. i wish you the best of luck with your treatment :)

@nisha Thank you nisha!! ❤️❤️What do you do for self care? I don't really know what to do for self care

@ButterflyStar i usually do something i enjoy like spending time w my family, petting my dog, going for a walk, talking to friends or you could practice meditation, journaling, gratitude, etc. you could also listen to music that you like or watch a tv show or do a favorite hobby. its all up to you :)

@nisha Thanks for the lovely ideas!

Exactly. It’s honestly made me so empathetic towards everyone, and any problem, becuase I know how it feels to be hopeless, and lose control of yourself. The feeling of going insane inside your own head is not one I wish on my greatest enemy.

Im so sorry you are in a tough place mommyto4babies. I have been there and I would make all types of pleas with the Lord to just make me die so I don't have to keep going thru this. But Beached Mermaid is right, you are kept here for a reason and God will help you. He will not leave you in this place forever. It may not happen in the way we imagine it or want it, but the way you will see Him in your life and faithfulness over these years will be invaluable. I know its a pretty morbid thought but in my year of 2018 when I was very suicidal, sometimes all I could hold on to was if I don't kill myself, at least God will be pleased for not giving into the temptation of killing myself and waiting for His timing. Like He knows how much I wanted to do it, but I knew deep down it was not my decision to make, its His decision when I should die. Every day we get to be alive is a choice God makes to keep us here ❤️ He loves you very much. And things will get better!! I will pray for you

@BeachedMermaid I agree, I would genuinely never wish what I have been through on my enemies.

@ButterflyStar I know, I am tempted to kill myself every single day. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with the mental torment because it feels like I’m in hell... I always think my husband can find a new wife and get a better mom for my kids, they’re so young they won’t remember me... wish I could trust God but feels like He’s so far away from me and doesn’t care about me... when I pray to Him for comfort and also happy dreams, all I get is nightmare after nightmare, every night I don’t sleep due to nightmares

@Bryan No, my OCD centers around toxins and carcinogens, worried about my kids’ health, I’m nursing my 6 month old so don’t want to take medication, I also am adverse to medication because I grew up with so many health problems and took so many different drugs for them and just so worried it did something bad to my children’s health

@Mommytofourbabies Hey mommy. I am sooo sorry to hear of this torment you are going thru! Do you want to chat over email so its more private? I would love to help you get thru this time, even to be a place you can offload. It is so hard battling it alone. Only if you're OK with that. Whatever you prefer. Don't want you to feel like your thoughts of suicide are the best and true option. I've been there! Hugs

@ButterflyStar Yes please, can u give me ur email? Thank u so much!!

@ButterflyStar Thank you, :) I just emailed you!

@Mommytofourbabies Hey!! Sorry I didn't get it. Maybe try to send it again? 😊

@ButterflyStar I got it!! In junk folder. I will be able to write back before bed!! THANK YOU for reaching out to me!!! ❤️❤️❤️

@ButterflyStar Thank you for emailing me back! I just emailed you again, pls confirm you received it as not sure it may go into the junk folder again?

@Mommytofourbabies Hello!! Yes it's in my emails and will he able to get on the computer tomorrow morn!😊😊

Yes I am in treatment.. I am sorry its been tough for you too.

Thank you Sarah... 😔Sometimes I have no hope. Nothing to give. I just want it to stop and have a break. 😔😔.. Thank you for commentibg

Thank you so so much. How kind of you to reach to me.. One step at a time.. Thank you!! Hugs

Remember, Jesus would want you to life a long helathy happy life. ❤️ You are kept here for a reason. You aren’t alone.

@BeachedMermaid It’s hard for me to remember this because He seems so far away and aloof from me