(Pocd) Please help me!!! I'm a Christian and as i've mentioned before Ive had mind chatters where i tell God to confirm if im a pedo or not by me hearing about a pedo getting delivered (and it actually happened because a user on here who's a good friend of mine shared a story about that!!!) And ive also mind chattered to Him to lemme know thru a dream and it just happened too!!!. I literally feel hot right now and I feel so much doom because I just woke up and dreamt something about a paper like a test having the word pedophilia in it I think it asked "do you have pedophilia?" with a fill in the blanks answer and the word "truth" was written as the answer ? these are just too much coincidences for it to not be God actually telling me. As we Christians know, there are no coincidences in God and that scares me even more!!. I always tell Him " don't listen to my mind chatters you know they don't come from the heart!! The reason I mind chatter about things is because I'm scared of them actually happening!" But now I'm starting to think my mind chatters are so much more meaningful than i thought. Maybe it wasn't even a dream and I just pictured it while being asleep and awake at the same time since my ocd thoughts wake me up night sometimes? Or am I just in denial to try to calm myself down? Omg how can I forget about all this I really don't wanna relapse ...

Im in a tough spot. I have pocd and ive had hocd i havent been diagnosed by anyone but im positive im right. Im also not trying to type this out for reassurance but i dont know if this is,on top of that i had a disgusting addiction to transgender pornography. It didnt feel good after i watched it but i couldnt stop, i always told myself this is it no more but would always do it again. After This i questioned my sexuality i knew i wasnt attracted to the same sex but why was i watching this then. I really felt the affects of this january this year when one night my mind just kept repeating to me you are a pedophile, this really destroyed me i couldnt sleep and at times almost threw up because of this fear of becoming one. I started remembering moments in my life when i would watch hentai and looking back on it now i could consider it cp even though many people wouldnt to me it still feels like it. I know im not attracted to any of this stuff but i feel so broken and disconnected, i dont feel like i can tell anyone but i feel like i should i just dont know how. Sometimes i get urges to watch transgender porn again to prove that im not a pedo but i dont think any porn is good for anyone. Recently i became a christian and i keep praying that these thoughts will go away, going to church really helped me and theres a girl that i have a crush on there but now that im in isolation and my church isnt on things are really tough. I hope i can get through this time and come out stronger and mentaly better. I hope this is ocd. I am currently doing nofap which i feel is really helping me and im on a very long streak. However i really dont want to watch transgender porn again but i keep feeling like if i do the thoughts will go away. I know i must not give up and fight through these thoughts to become the best possible me. Im sorry about this jumbled up mess but i needed to get this out there to someone.

So I (16 f) haven't been diagnosed with it but I think I have OCD. Specifically POCD and real event OCD. I did something in 2021 that I regretted then and I regret even more now. I read some fanfiction that involved incest and minors and I hated it. I hated it bc it was disgusting, bc it went against my morals, and bc I read it. I was bored but I still wish I didn't read them. And since April of this year, I have been suffering bc I read them. I'm scared I'm a pedo and I really don't want to be one bc I don't want to do the things they do to kids. I Don't even find kids attractive but I get groinal responses and I'm scared that I actually do. I suffer from intrusive thoughts everyday. Even though this flair up started in April, I've been suffering from it for a couple years. But nowadays I'll be lucky to go a hour without them. I posted a similar post like this on Reddit a month or two ago and all of the comments said I wasn't a pedo and that it was POCD but I'm spiraling. During those months I would be scared I was a pedo and not be scared bc I knew it was ocd back and forth but this time it's different. I'm scared that I'm actually a pedo but I don't want to be. I don't like the thoughts and I don't want to do anything to kids. I know people say that 'if you were a pedo you would like the thoughts." Or "if you were a pedo you would know you are." And that's helped me but now I feel like I could just be in denial. I tried to not let it bother me but my brain tells me that if I don't react, that means I like the thoughts. I have younger cousins and a nephew and I hate being around them bc I'm scared that I'll get attracted to them. I hate when my younger sister hugs me bc I get scared that I'll get attracted. There has been multiple times where I just went in my bathroom and just broke down crying. And I hate crying but I cried more than I usually do. It's gotten to the point where multiple times I felt suicidal and honestly I feel like that now. But I usually got over it and realized it was just OCD but I'm scared that it's not. And I feel like if it was just thoughts then maybe it would've been better but it's the fact that I read those even though I hated it and was disgusted by it. I just really don't know what to do. I'm sorry that this post is too long.

So today while I was talking to myself, sometimes I do this, my mind said something like to ask for a sign from God and I didn’t mean to ask it or even wanting to ask it. I was talking to myself about something that happened a few months back for when I asked God, my grandmother who’s my guardian angel, and St Therese to help me get over the hunch of scrupulosity and OCD (I’m Catholic). They then gave me a sign in Church to let them know that they heard me and I felt peace, love and excitement then. I have been dealing with something lately that I asked them then to send me a sign if something didn’t happen or occurred, even though I couldn’t picture myself saying that. If anything I would have said the exact opposite to prove what happened or occurred, not to show me a sign if something beautiful didn’t happen. Yet the feeling felt so strong as if I did say that and it kept replaying in my mind over and over again. Going back to in the moment, It just went to my mind and blurted to my mouth about asking a sign from God even though I didn’t mean for it or intended it. I then got a thought thinking that I saw something later this morning thinking that God sent me a sign about something. Well, later this morning while looking at my daily Bible app, I saw something and my mind and feelings said that God sent me that sign. Now I’m flooded with anxiety because I was getting these thoughts before and now they like manifested into reality. It’s like as if God planted those thoughts in my head to tell me what’s coming and what will happen. I’m so angry, anxious and sad. I’m scared now that what I didn’t say is actually something that I said. It’s like God is constantly trying to tell me something and he’s keeping on telling me as if he’s playing a game with me and he won’t do it until I give up and give in. I don’t know what to do. I felt very depressed last night because last night because I couldn’t take this anymore as if God is telling me these things or he revealed me to something. Is this God or OCD that’s doing all this to me? I know it’s a lot but I just need feedback from you guys