I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years and now I’m wondering if I’ve ever even loved her. I hate this so much. I know I care about her more than anything in the world and I think she’s the most beautiful woman in the universe but I feel like she loves me more and I’ll never be enough. Lately I’ve been feeling horrible for thinking other girls are pretty or good looking and I don’t know what to do. My girlfriend is a Demi sexual so she doesn’t find people attractive unless she has a connection with them, hence she only finds me good looking. I want to be like that, I feel like that’s what she deserves. I’ve been trying to reprogram my brain to do that by not formulating opinions on other peoples appearances and it’s gotten better but I still struggle with it sometimes. She tells me things like “how could you find anyone other than me pretty or beautiful?” And that breaks my heart. I don’t want to think those thoughts. I feel like I’ll never be enough. I’m trying so hard. I also had a porn addiction and that caused a lot of trauma to our relationship. I feel guilty every single day. I feel like this would’ve never been an issue if I had never watched porn. I wish I could’ve been perfect to her from day 1. I feel full of regret and disgust for myself.

It’s does man thank you so much for your response. I just feel so unworthy of her you know? How can she be so perfect to me? I also feel guilty because I don’t remember if I was flirty with other girls when we first started. I know I never cheated on her but I don’t remember if I was good enough. Right before we got together (about 2 weeks before) I was still hooking up with other girls and I even went to a breakfast with my ex. On that breakfast me and my ex kissed and it would’ve been more than that if she hadn’t told me that she had sex with someone she told me not to worry about while we were together. After hearing that I never wanted to talk to her again. I just wonder if I’d even be with my girlfriend if she wouldn’t have told me.. We’ve talked about this and she tells me to forget about it because it was still before we were official but I feel like such a piece of shit 😔

@still alive What matters is that you guys are together now and that you love her bro. Trust, you sound like a great boyfriend. You care enough to embark on this level of self reflection. I admire that.

@nGfloat Thanks man your kind words made my day ❤️ I appreciate your existence. I wish you all the love and happiness in the world. Good luck on your journey

@still alive Likewise bro. You shape your destiny. The way I like to put it is you must have the tenacity to never stop moving, but the prudence to know when to slow down. You seem to have all the right tools. Now just extend yourself the grace to use them as you will.