I am so sad. I feel so hopeless. I am just so tired of picking myself up again. I want to recover. I've read so many books and gone to therapy. But I feel as hopeless as ever. I could just cry all day and not stand up. I worry that my OCD has turned into depression... I want to get better! But it is so frustrating!! Those feelings... I keep searching for a way to get rid of them, I can't endure them! I don't want to feel sad all the time...

Hey today I’m feeling very tired because of my OCD I’m just so tired of it. I feel I’m doing everything to get better. I disregard the thoughts, I’m trying to do things like I don’t have ocd but it doesn’t want to go away. I was doing fine for a long period of time and now I feel like I’m back a square one. It’s been almost 2 months now I’m battling with OCD and I’m just tired. Sure I have moments where it’s better than others, I also have days where I barely have OCD but I also have really bad days like today where I just don’t want to get out of bed. Last time I had a relapse it took my 4 weeks to get out of it I don’t understand why this time it takes me more. I’m starting believing that I will never feel better again. Anyway I’m gonna try to find the strength to get out of bed and to start my day. But I just wanted to share. It’s such a horrible illness.

I've been bedridden with anxiety and haven't eaten much. I tried going on a walk and broke down halfway through to cry. It kind if helped my physical anxiety but hasn't helped my ocd much. ERP is so difficult. It just makes me exhausted and anxious and cry. And I don't even feel a little better afterwards, so what's the point? I get I'm supposed to build up resilience but when? when do I finally feel some reward? I'm suffering, I don't have the energy to fight these thoughts when all the thoughts I have are rumination or intrusive. Medications haven't worked for me either. Maybe I'm not going to get better. Happy new year to me.

I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I feel like I'm not even living, I'm just surviving. Everyone is capable of being a person and functioning and I'm just stuck here avoiding everything. My psychiatrist said my ocd is severe and it will all take time and I'll start erp and I'm already on medication but I just feel so depressed and like I won't be able to handle erp and it's already too late for me. I feel inhuman, it's debilitating. My major theme is just fear or contamination, I can't even make myself a meal I can't touch anything in the kitchen. I get stuck in the shower for 2 hours and when I don't shower because I'm depressed I feel like a walking germ. My hands are a mess, my school work is shit, I avoid and avoid and I'm just so tired of "living" like this. My psychiatrist said they don't have any therapists available right now like.... excuse me? What do you mean u don't have any 😭 I honestly don't even know why I'm typing this becuase nothing helps, nothing ever will. I'm so deep into this I can't get out, my room looks like shit, I can't live in this body anymore, I really can't. I let everyone down, I am and will be such a dissapointment. I don't have any dreams or goals or passions I just wasn't made to be here. I don't know how or who to ask for help like there's nothing anyone can do, I'm already on meds. I can't keep being like this, seeing everyone judge me for acting insane.