I have really bad anxiety and sadness about a book (now show) I watched that just made me so sad. Now I try to avoid it at all costs and I just feel so afraid I’ll get depressed again. Everyone else seems to be fine watching it but I read the book a year ago and am still sad

Ugh I sound so lame but I’m honestly scared to even say it

@wellwellwell Again, I think following ERP practices you SHOULD say it. But I get your fear, and I don’t think it’s lame at all. No matter the context, fear and anxiety are real and terrifying.

@leif It’s called normal people. It’s very very good and I loved the book but it also brought up a lot of feelings I have about myself and my relationship

@wellwellwell Haha one of my favorite books :). But definitely a challenging read emotionally. What specifically stresses you out about it?

@leif It’s very very good, I loved it. But, like Marianne I have incredibly low self esteem and self worth, and like Connell I hurt someone I loved so badly (my now husband) and like both of them I feel so so unworthy of love. My therapist thinks this is the root of my obsessions. That maybe I’m gay and that’s why I can’t be happy with my husband because I think I’m awful

@wellwellwell And the uncertainty of the ending is a lot for me. If they can’t even be happy together, how can I be with my husband?

@wellwellwell Oh interesting. I didn’t interpret the ending that way. I thought it was more so that beyond their love there’s a life that they need to live and experience, even if it means they’re not with each other for it. But that despite that, they’re still so grateful for each other and what they’ve done for each other. That’s sounds really painful though. I don’t know if you feel this way but sometimes I think about how because of this Illness I can’t really be with anyone, out of fairness to them. Like when I’m living day to day, is it irresponsible to bring someone into my life in that way?

@leif Exactly. I don’t know, I understood what she meant with the ending but it broke my heart. I just wanted them to be happy with each other (I know, so stupid) mostly because I just identified so strongly with Marianne. Like lalaland didn’t bother me that they weren’t together, but there was something so personal for me about that ending. Even if it’s not definite that they don’t reconnect

@wellwellwell It’s important to note by husband and I also first began dating in high school so I’m very attached to first love. Again ugh

I have very severe SOOCD and ROCD. Basically just an overwhelming fear me and my husband can’t be together because I’ll cheat/I’m bad/I’m gay and deceiving him

@wellwellwell I had really bad rOCD w my ex. Made me think “what if there’s someone ‘better’ out there. Really awful/ made me feel like a monster. What is SOOCD? Can’t say I’ve heard of that one!

@leif I have obsessions that I am a lesbian and leading my husband on. They’re pretty debilitating! Just like ROCD

@leif Ps if you ever want to talk books, please let me know. I love finding new things to read!

@wellwellwell Ahhh sexual orientation OCD. Got it. I

@wellwellwell And yes! Anything sorta normal people esque that you’ve read and enjoyed?

@leif Or maybe you stray from that genre nowadays :)

@leif I haven’t really read much with that same impact on me but anxious people by Frederick Bachman and the vanishing half by Britt Bennett are 2020 reads that are very good!!