I'm turning 23 today, and it's almost 4am. I can't sleep and I'm ruminating about the last 4 or 5 years of my life. They've been filled with unemployment since I left school at 18. I'm studying online to get the qualifications I need to go to university to study law, but I cant stop obsessing that nobody is going to even take a look at me in the future. I've been technically unemployed since 18. In the eyes of world I am an absolute failure, in my eyes I've failed too. I am going to put in a good fight to achieve better, but I don't know if I'll ever be the person I dream of being. I keep having thoughts like "what if I just get sweeped away in the system?" "What if nobody ever employs me?" "Will these last 4 years hang over me for the rest of my life even if I get a law degree?" I'm going to work hard, harder than ever to pull myself out of all this darkness but in scared I'll find nothing on the other end. I'm scared in just another youth unemployment statistic. That I'll amount to nothing in the end.

I'm trying to just take it one step at a time. I can only control the moment I'm in. I'm lucky I have parents and a home for now, and I trust that I'll be able to build a great future for myself. I just need to stop ruminating so much!

Thankyou ❤❤❤

Thankyou so much, that means a lot to me. I need to learn to stop caring how other people might see me. Other people dont live my life. I will figure it out, I know I am destined for more in this life and I know it will work out. I am trying not to lose faith!

Thankyou. I have a business where I basically sell my art, I've only been successful a few times but I've made some good money when I have been. The truth is I'm terrified I will just be sweeped away, left behind because of this gap in employment/education. I wish I had been perfect after I left school, I wish I could have had it together but the truth is I was really depressed, broken and lost. That remained with me for awhile but now I'm ready to fight for good fight, get myself somewhere I've always dreamt of being and im scared. I'm scared the gap in employment will be too much, that I will never be good enough because of this.

@MJocd Hey! After my senior year ill be taking a break from school before i go to either grad school or get a job! Im worried about that break as well but it might be ok.

@Coul.C I guess just make sure you dont take a really long break...but honestly, my mental health was bad for so long there were some points where I couldn't even get up and move. How could I have held a job down? I can only work on being better today, work only on the moment and do only what i can control so I'm going to keep working.