okay just got a memory that's caused guilt and I'm really tempted to hurt myself

no, I cant

@abby Yes you can! We’re here for you. I know this moment sucks but it will pass. You can either do nothing and simply sit and find something else to do. Or find a counter action: do something physically pleasurable. Put on a soft outfit, take a warm bath, self massage, drink a hot cup of tea, etc.

thank you

I'm worried I'll get judged

@abby Do you wanna talk through the memory you’re having or do you want to try and distract yourself like pureolife is suggesting? Up to you. I don’t judge at all btw. I’m far from being a perfect person.

@ma345 could we talk about it?

@ma345 if u dont mind

maybe just on the app, as I dont know you, no offense

@abby That’s fine I just didn’t know if you were comfortable doing it on here. But if you prefer the app I’m fine with that too

@abby Were you ever sexually aroused by looking at this material? Or did you just think it made you feel aroused? Like did you masturbate to the material?

@abby People search for weird stuff some times just out of curiosity and they never know what they’re going to find. Sometimes you find something that grosses you out or scares you. But that doesn’t mean you should be held accountable for what someone else puts up on the web. If you’re obsessing specifically about the fact that you searched for it, it’s best to lean into uncertainty. “Maybe that says something about you as a person, but maybe it doesn’t and everyone gets curious and searches something weird sometimes. You don’t need to know exactly what it means or with any more certainty than you already have.”

@pureolife Yeah listen to her lol. That’s very good advice.

@pureolife I'm kinda I'm between ruminating and feeling guilt, I feel oddly okay like I'm getting better at dealing with my thoughts, I know that I'm not into that and I havent done anything wrong

@abby Good! You’ve recognized that the problem is ruminating about this. So when it comes up in your thoughts, just acknowledge it and move on. Say “thanks for that info brain! But I actually don’t need certainty about this. I’m going to go do XYZ now.”

@ma345 nah it was kinda the idea of the people not the actual image if that makes sense?

@pureolife I'm worried that it means something and that I'm gonna get into the situation with crippling guilt, cuz I'd probs have an attempt or harm myself again

@abby You’re going to worry that it means something and trying to be 100% sure it doesn’t mean anything will only be a compulsion. And that compulsion won’t actually do anything to protect you. Leaning into uncertainty is the best choice with ocd: https://www.madeofmillions.com/articles/mistaken-beliefs-uncertainty-acceptance-ocd/

@pureolife yeah I've been working on that, I've been writing my thoughts that bother me down and working on acceptancd I think that's why I'm not filled with shit tons of anxiety and guilt right now,but my go to if things start going bad is to harm myself

@abby I know compulsions are difficult to resist, but the more you practice resisting, the easier it gets. For self harm it’s even more important. If you can, please seek professional treatment. You don’t have to keep feeling this way.

@pureolife what count as compulsions?

@abby In this case your self harm is the most serious compulsion to work on resisting.

@pureolife okay

@pureolife I just wanna fucking die sometimes

@abby Treatment can help! And it will help a heck of a lot more than compulsions. Work with an ocd specialist and you’ll feel better.

@pureolife it doesn't help that my country has just been put back into lockdown for at least another 6 weeks,meaning I can only leave the house once a day and can only see the people in my house my head hasn't recovered from the last lockdown

@abby What about seeking out a therapist to see online? I meet with all my practitioners virtually right now

@ma345 I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow

I don’t judge. I just thought I’d offer you my email cause if you post on here everyone will see it. I’m sure no one here will judge but I just wanted to offer that alternative to you.

@ma345 I wish they had a private chat feature on this app

@ma345 ikr, idrc about people seeing it cuz its anonymous

@abby Ok. So go ahead I’m ready when you are

@ma345 I've replied up above :)

@abby it's the big paragraph

@abby I see it lol. I’ll reply in a few minutes

@ma345 thank you:)