you know what i think that even when i get rid of my current theme that's tormenting me my brain would still find something trivial to worry about so i ultimately can't escape this. i just need to accept that my brain is problematic.

you're right about that. but my current problem is that i feel like im getting over my current theme; which i guess is a good thing because ive wanted to break free for so long and yet my brain still thinks it's alarming that im getting over this. im like "why aren't i so worried about this anymore??" "does this mean i don't even have ocd and i was faking it??". i just want some peace man

@feethebee yeahh that’s def your monkey brain trying to drag you back into ocd hell lmao, imo i think you should try your best not to think about it and do whatever you won’t find a concrete answer so just do you homie

@saltedcrabs "monkey brain" LMAO💀 btw yes you're right, ill try not to think about it it's just that i even try to visualize triggering situations to check if im truly over this and i either can't even visualize it or i just cringe at it😭 and it's just so weird because i literally used to get panic attacks over this what happened now lmao

@feethebee SNNSMDMD 💀💀 but yeah it’s actually really common to become numb to the thoughts overtime because your brain gets used to them / even uses that as a defense mechanism

@saltedcrabs also i’m pretty sure the visualization thing you’re doing might be a compulsion

@saltedcrabs you're prolly right i just see everyone say how debilitating the anxiety from your thoughts can be (i experienced that for a long time) but ive been kinda numb lately so i thought something was wrong. and idk if the visualization thing is a compulsion tbh. i don't do it to see if i enjoy the thought or that im disturbed by it to disprove it or something im just trying to see if im still triggered by it. because if im not it means im over this theme and i can move on. i guess it is a compulsion but my biggest trigger is a particular person and ill see this person later today so if i still get triggered then idk im just gonna have this theme forever i guess. 😬