Who else with hocd is obsessed with relationships and “proving” to the world that they are straight? Since my hocd started , my all consuming focus was on relationships, as a means to get rid of my hocd. But then, ROCD kicked in and I ended up hopeless. Will it ever end?

I don’t have a boyfriend right now

@cnv Ok, it’s time to kick OCD right back then. You have an entire growing community that’s here to help. Are you in therapy? Doing Any ERP?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle I tried two therapists two years ago. They both didn’t help. One straight up told me that my symptoms are for attention seeking. So basicaly I survived on my own. I do self directed ERP, but sometimes I feel like it is breaking me

@cnv I’m so sorry that happened. I tried 4 therapists before I found NOCD. One I had actually made a mockery out of OCD! The others had no idea what to do with this. With therapist help or none ERP is a hard pill to swallow. It takes practice and time. It can feel like you’re losing the battle but if you stay the course, you’ll evidently notice a change. That’s been my motivation to keep at it. When the first day came that I realized I didn’t ruminate about whatever thoughts came to me all day. I knew it was working so I pushed myself to continue. Have you read James Schwartz book “Brain Lock “? I’ve incorporated his four step process as well.

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Thanks for the advice! It is truly hard for me to have a normal life when I doubt the existence of my hocd. I never would have thought that my life would be like this. To constantly doubt the attraction towards men, to nit pick their flaws just to feel more disgusted, to feel fear and anxienty whenever a guy approaches me, to feel like I don’t belong with a man or that my life will be like this forever. I honestly don’t know if this is worth living

@cnv Yes it is I’m telling you I have been married for 10 years and been with only men my entire life (intimately, sexually) then one day as my husband and I weren’t getting a long a part of ROCD just pushing him away my mind told me that the reason why I didn’t get along with him and we were arguing a lot was because of ..... then my thoughts went Berserk!!! The what if’s, remember that time when, that’s why, you probably would... you name it, my thoughts shouted it at me!! Then to finish it all off just sprinkle a little POCD in there to keep you locked in your bedroom and away from EVERYBODY! When I tell you that I couldn’t pray enough, cry enough, want to die enough, just sleep until it was over enough... I knew that I was broke, I finally had lost my mind

@cnv I say all of that to let you know that I was right where you are and some days it’ll try to creep up and bully me with arousal. I just look to my right and my left to make sure nobody is looking (lmbo) and I whisper “if you don’t gthoh and sit down somewhere” I have got to live, love and be fruitful today. If you want to be here you’ll have to be quiet!” Yes I talk to my anxiety and I write it letters too.

@cnv I’m praying that you’ll find a way to get a breakthrough and discover that you can overcome and manage this. We all can!

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle This is exactly how I feel. It is quite paradoxical because I feel compelled to be flirty with guys and change my morals just to prove to myself that I am straight but in reality I am really private and attentive when it comes to sex and guys. Sometimes I just want to be left alone on a desert island

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Thank you so much. Right now I feel lonely. I cannot talk to anyone about this because I’m ashamed. Proper therapy is not available to me right now and on top of that, I cannot build an authentic relationship or even fall in love. Hopefully things will get better one day