Last night I was able to convince myself I was straight and felt somewhat relief for about 7 minutes as it was close to bedtime, now I can’t sleep by myself as I get anxious so I sleep with my mom. I went to bed and HAD another same sex dream, but this time it was someone I knew, it was a person I was going to (but didn’t, I got too weirded out and didn’t want to do it, and that memory still haunts me to this day, but anyway) experiment with. more like nightmare again we didn’t do ANYTHING (thank you jESUS.) But I woke up panicked again. That’s 2 nights in a row I’ve had these dreams and I’m exhausted and my body is so sore and I woke up feeling nauseous and I felt like I was gonna have diarrhea (sorry tmi) but I just don’t want to sleep incase I have ANOTHER dream. Why has my panic gone down? Why aren’t I getting panic attacks like I used to get? I know I don’t feel calm because I get anxious and I feel worse if I get one of those “am I gonna stay like this forever?” “Was I always like this?” Thoughts. They’ve gotten so bad I’ve been begging my mom to take me out of public schooling so I don’t have to see anybody. Like I posted a picture of my hair that I just got done and my female friends would comment “omg pretty” “love you queen” and I felt awkward and uncomfortable saying it back Incase that was proof that I’m (that word.) I’m afraid to watch movies Incase I see any females that are “attractive”, same thing for going out in public. My mom has called therapists but none have called her back. I have little desire to do the things I do and I can’t be alone but I don’t want to be with any other people besides my mom (I also have separation anxiety.) what is wrong with me? Why am I like this? What’s going on with me?

@lexnot that’s a huge common fear with ocd in general. Try and look up some success stories and you’ll get some encouragement, if it helps, I myself and no other HOCD story I’ve seen have actually turned out to be the sexuality they feared. This goes for those going through straight ocd too. I recommend looking up jackieleasommers.com for erp and HOCD success stories and help

Also I can’t tell if my mind is messing with me or these have always been my fears, I’m losing my mind at this point and I just want them to stop. I don’t like them but my mind tells me I do and I’m getting groinal responses and I just can’t take it for much longer, they’re convincing me so badly and the few times (if) I get moments of freedom I can talk about guys and think about guys and it’ll feel right, but now I’m not even getting those moments anymore! Now I just get anxious! I don’t want to live like this!

Hi honey, take a deep breath! What you’re going through is really ocd. Convincing yourself your straight works for a bit, but with all ocd it doesn’t always work. Also getting anxious around guys is so normal. Like I said before, dreams are just dreams! They hold no specific meaning. And honestly I get those uncomfortable feelings all the time with HOCD. Trust me, there are times when you’re anxious and then not. It doesn’t mean anything but the fact that the anxiety isn’t there, try and look up erp therapy, if you can’t afford it try doing it self directed ❤️. I have been and I’ve been able to be with my boyfriend a lot more.

@Brookennoel I’m afraid to do ERP therapy, I’m afraid this will somehow prove that I am really gay and that it’s not HOCD, the thoughts have never felt more real then they do now and I’m experiencing more groinal responses and I just can’t stand it

@brookenoel I’ve actually spoken with her multiple times and she told me what I have seems like OCD but I spoke to the doctor he believes it’s just my anxiety acting up, I haven’t been diagnosed but I have had obsessions like this before with death...

@lexnot regular doctors don’t help ocd. They can prescribe meds but they don’t diagnose or help u. You need to find a therapist but it’s obvious you do have ocd

@Brookenoel I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and separation anxiety and also I have episodes of depression, where would I go to get diagnosed?

@lexnot you have to search for erp therapists who specialize in ocd treatment and they’ll diagnose you