I had a lot of trouble last year with my relationship, no matter how much reassurance my Bf would give me I was always afraid he was going to leave me. Towards the end of our relationship I was anxious and crying a lot. He couldn’t take it anymore. He fell out of love with me. We broke up not just because of that but because we both weren’t on the same page as to what we wanted out of our relationship. Which is why I just thought that’s what caused my anxiety. We broke September and I thought I could finally relax a little because the anxiety had lifted. Come December though my mind had lost it. I’ve had extremely grueling intrusive thoughts/images pretty much every day since. Ones of harming people I love. I have no history of violence what so ever. I was the naive church girl growing up. I always wanted to help people as much as I could. I was never a vengeful person. In fact if i had a argument with someone I’d have to fix it right away. I couldn’t stand them being upset with me. This has been going on for 8 months now. I find it hard to think of anything else. I google a lot to see if my thoughts are normal or not. I have to constantly reassure myself things are going to be okay and that I won’t hurt anyone. Most days I don’t like to be touched or sometimes it’s hard for me to even talk. I feel scared all the time. I went to my doctor for depression and anxiety and they put me on lexapro which only seemed to make me more jittery and anxious. Then Zoloft which helped but then stopped working. I’m not on Paxil w/Xanax to help the panic attacks. But I can’t tell if it’s working. I almost feel like it’s not because everyday I break down and cry. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I should be locked away. I have a therapy appointment in two weeks. I’m trying to hold on and not freak out for the time being.

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

So I just started Zoloft 25mg almost a month ago and I’m still experiencing extreme panic and intrusive thoughts. It’s not fun, I genuinely just always think there’s no way I’ll “make it through life” living like this. And I’ve felt like this for four years straight I feel like recently it’s gotten a lot worse. Even when I feel like my brain is alittle quieter I was so obsessed w ocd that I just go right back to thinking abt it and scaring myself. Also I did ERP hated it I just started ICBT and I kinda like it. But when anyone else gets thought spirals and freaks out and has extreme panic do they have thoughts like they need to be admitted to a mental hospital and smth is seriously wrong with them? Bc the panic that comes with the ocd makes it feel soooo real and debilitating

Hi my names Abby and i’m 16 years old. (I am undiagnosed) Everything that’s lead me and my therapist to potentially believe I have ocd has been the worst experience of my life so far. For my childhood and my teenage years up until I was 15, we’re really difficult. I was bullied a lot growing up and I had a lot of family dynamics that were really hard. (I have 2 siblings that were my half siblings, whom I have no relationship with anymore due to them being much older than me and them disliking my parents for many reasons) but I always felt super alone growing up. I was always told growing up to “stop” or to “shut up” from them and sometimes “stop” from my parents because I was very energetic and excited all the time. So I learned to stay quiet a lot. I was exposed to a lot of gore/pornographic material around age 7-8, which I realize now lead me to have sexual experiences at a young age with females the same gender as me when I was very young. I started masturbating when I was super young. I find that I have forgotten most of my childhood, but sometimes random memories come up in my mind and I remember, or I dream about them. I have very weird dreams that disturb me heavily. I am an INFP personality, and have always loved to help others and care. I love music/ art and guitar so heavily, and love writing poetry. My dream is to become a psychologist and help others whom struggle the same as me. I am very sensitive. I love reading. But recently the past 2 months I haven’t been writing or reading a lot, and when I do it feels inauthentic. The same with playing guitar. I don’t know what triggered this major change in my life, but it all started a few days after my boyfriend left on a trip with his family from the U.S (where we are) to travel across Europe for 3 weeks. He’s been back for about 2 months now but the whatever triggered is still the same. I’ve been dissociating heavily and my memory is terrible. Time passes by so quickly, and I don’t know why but I am now struggling every second of the day with these horrible harmful thoughts (mostly triggered by seeing weapons or example: say my eye is hurting really bad I imagine my eye popping out of my head) these horrible images, whether this be hurting my family or other people. When I first started having these thoughts I panicked and cried and had major panic attacks for weeks, but i’ve been dealing with them for so long now I become really numb and try to avoid going to places that have items of harm. I feel like i’ve lost my identity completely, and I don’t know who I am anymore, I just want to go back to who I was. I really need help. I’ve been worrying i’m a psychopath and that what if I actually desire to do those bad things? Even though I know i’d never ever do them. Please help me.