Hello everyone. I seem to have moral scrupulosity. I made some purchases last Thursday that I am feeling guilt over. Conscience is telling me to return them, but part of me is saying this is OCD but another part says it is reasonable guilt. So I am trying to sit with the guilt and hoping it goes away, but it is not. Having extreme anxiety over this and it seems to be growing. Ruminating about it all day and getting little sleep. The premise of ERP is that resisting the urge to perform the compulsion would lessen it, but it is only growing. After almost 6 days, it is just getting worse. I am on the verge of giving up in order to get relief. Any suggestions from anyone?

Hello. It sounds like you’re going through a rough time right now. You’re not alone in your overwhelming feelings of guilt. It’s awful. Please note that I’m not a mental health professional or expert of any kind. *And* from my study and my own lived experience, the key here may be as you said: “ruminating about it all day.” Rumination itself is a compulsion. By ruminating (which is essentially engaging with your thoughts of the event, what it may mean, and your feelings of guilt), your distress is prolonged. Response Prevention (the “RP” in ERP) is key. I know this may sound initially oversimplified and/or ridiculous and/or counterintuitive and/or impossible; but, maybe the following link will explain, and if you click through the other articles on rumination, you can learn how to stop. https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/rumination-is-a-compulsion-not-an-obsession-and-that-means-you-have-to-stop/ Wishing you peace and presence.

Thank you very much for your insight. What is so hard about this is determining whether it is OCD or reasonable guilt. I feel like giving details about why I feel guilty so I can get other people's opinions, which might give me an "aha" moment but this site says that is asking for reassurance and is not allowed. I wish I had a method whereby if I do something that causes guilt, that I can determine if that guilt is justified or not. As it is now, I am baffled.

I totally understand what you mean. I’ve struggled with this, and still run into this same issue from time to time. I honor the hardship you are going through right now. Maybe outside input, reassurance or a foolproof method is what you want (and it’s okay to want those things), but instead allowing this uncertainty to exist in you while you carry on living your life is what you need? That’s the premise of treating of OCD. We can’t know for sure. It’s up to you what to do with that. You get to choose. You have agency and power in your choice. Will you go on anyway, and try to live as best you can right now in this moment, not-knowing?

Here is a perfect example: John stayed at a hotel and liked the hotel towel so he took it home. He placed it on the floor in his bathroom. Then his cell phone rings which stuns him and he accidentally drops his cell phone which falls on the stolen towel. Upon seeing this, he feels guilt. The stolen towel just prevented his phone from breaking so now he feels guilty about his cell phone because had that stolen towel not been there, his cell phone would now be broken. Now he has a very complicated task of determining if his guilt is OCD or reasonable guilt. But there are no resources to help him sort this out. Meanwhile continued use of the phone can allow the guilt to spread to other things if he uses the phone to now buy things online, apply for employment etc. So now he needs to make up his mind and decide what to do with the phone before he can use it to buy things online, pay bills, make appointments etc. as the guilt can spread to those other things. As you can see, this would cause much ruminating and extreme sense of urgency to find a solution as he does not want to spread this guilt to other things. The easy way to solve this is to just buy a new phone. It will be a little expense but less expensive if it prevents the guilt from spreading.

Although there may be no resources to help you determine if your guilt is “reasonable,” there are resources to help you learn to stop ruminating. Wishing you strength and fortitude to choose what’s right for you.

Thank you.