Lately every bathroom trip takes me four hours. Sigh.

That's pretty intense. You should really see an OCD specialist. If you need to talk, I'm here.

What do you do for work if you don’t mind me asking? Just curious how others cope with having a job whilst spending so much time in the bathroom I do the same thing.

Oh okay yeah I feel like I don’t have time to work sometimes. I’ve been doing uber thank goodness for that since it’s flexible but i still don’t get enough hours in of course :/

@steve93 I’ve had a specialist that was supervising two interns that I saw for 4x/week at 45mins/session. They said I need residential level care. Insurance stopped paying because they thought it wasn’t effective. But then again if it wasn’t “working” then they should help me get something more intensive right? But they kept sending me to wrong referrals and I got extremely exhausted with trying. I’ve had this for over a decade and I’ve been fighting for the insurance to pay but they don’t care. Rogers and Mclean are out of state which the insurance won’t pay for and the only place that’s remotely close to Rogers but is only outpatient in my state doesn’t accept insurance and the insurance will not reimburse me.

@lapink it’s hard to do anything when all you do is feeling nauseous followed by possible “throwing up”, followed by panic attack and a meltdown. Then I can start my cleaning rituals.

@shana0007 I try to work from home when I can but even then it’s hard because I’m only out of bed once or twice a day-to use the bathroom. And then I’m mostly exhausted not just from my rituals but also because I can’t get a solid good night rest. I wake up anywhere from 5-8 times a night to do my rituals. Even if they last under a minute, it’s enough to disturb my sleep. So I guess I’m really not working. It’s embarrassing but I’m waiting for my disability check.

@shana0007 I completely understand. Just because it’s flexible doesn’t mean guaranteed payment of certain amount. I put up some of my art so it can be printed on products and so it becomes automatic. But it’s not the best source of income. More like a pocket money. And when I do find some freelance I don’t get paid. Lol sigh.

@lapink thank you. Things are actually getting worse because I’m probably going to be homeless in a few weeks, I have absolutely no one that I can emotionally depend on (my parents are dead, relatives are in different country and broke up with my ex). Everything is spiraling downward. I’m on Medicaid and that’s the insurance that doesn’t want to pay. I think Medicare is for senior citizens? I tried letting God in but I just have too much anger and I start taking it out on others when I should be taking it out on ocd/anxiety. Getting angry when I’m anxious is exhausting too. I can’t win. Lol

@lapink. Thank you. I’ll look into Medicare. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to access this app :( I’m hoping I would be able to. I hope you’re not going to be homeless too. I don’t know what to think because I’m bedridden do shelter is definitely a no and if it wasn’t so cold outside it could be manageable. I’ve been moving so much it makes me extremely to even do a simple move. Do you know if there are any support living spaces for ocd sufferers that can help each other? I’ve been trying to look up places like that. That would definitely be better than shelter or hospital because there’s that level of understanding and emotional support. I’ve used iocdf and psychology today but I get turned away after I’m evaluated. There’s a hospital that accepts Medicaid and specializes in ocd but they said the most they can see me is twice a week. They even said I need something residential. I’ve been going through so many hoops and it took me three? Years to get the ERP intern. I’m so exhausted. And now with added stress it’s just too much. Stability is important in mental health recovery. I’m stepping backwards from recovery.

@lapink thank you. So much is happening at once I almost lost it. I went to the bathroom at 3:30 am and it is now 8:51am. JUST GOT DONE using the bathroom, cleaning, showering and checking. And I think I missed few spots but I’m so exhausted. You’re really kind, I wish I was able to talk to you in the middle of my meltdown. I was instructed to call either nywell or the suicide hotline but it’s such a different support from someone who’s going through the same thing as me and/or the ERP specialist. I’ve been doing a lot of research and found some advocates to help me with the housing, erp, ssi, and other stuff that I can’t even think of right now. I just don’t know how I’ll be able to move when I don’t know where I’ll be, packing, checking, spreading the contamination, I don’t know how clean the new place will be, people coming and going, etc. I was told I might be in a supportive housing which I don’t know what that is. Like a shelter? With rules and people who have no idea what I’m going through? I’m so exhausted. I’m really happy for you-not that you have OCD but because you have the support you need. My ex who I’ve broken up with two years ago is somewhat taking care of me but he can no longer support me financially so we have to split. I still have attachments to him so it’ll be like another break up. I don’t know where he’ll be and I feel like I’m going to be so weak and lonely. The insurance was for private. I’ve been working with a lawyer/advocate who knows about Medicaid. I’ll show her the link just in case though. Thank you. I am in NYC.

Thank you. Im scared because I don’t know what to expect and with so many things I’m afraid of, I don’t know if I can handle so much at once.

I see your point and I’ve tried to think of it that way but for some reason, more than ever now, that I see hospitals as a threat and residential as not. To me it’s different. Like it’s safe because I’m surrounded by others like myself and specialists who know what they are dealing with. At the hospital they didn’t care, other patients mocked me because they didn’t have ocd so I was a weirdo and the staff didn’t realize how hard for me to do things. It doesn’t help when you’re given an “option” to voluntarily admit but in reality they are giving you an ultimatum and a threat almost that they can involuntarily admit you and you won’t be able to leave when you want to. I was dragged to the hospital and admitted against my will. I also remember my sister who knows nothing about my mental health to pretty much have me locked up in an asylum. So hospital to me is a very traumatic thing. On a different note, I think I saw your post about having a rare ocd? Do you mind if I ask what it is?

We’re the same age :) I had OCD since about 16 too. Definitely washing (contamination) and checking? I used to wash a lot of things like cds, money, paper, and shower after every bathroom usage. I didn’t have intrusive thoughts or images but rather feelings. I also had to carry things that I thought were important because being with me at all times were safer than at home. I also had this weird thing where if I had a collection of things and I needed to take only one I would still need to bring the whole collection with me. With that said you didn’t weird me out. OCD in itself is weird and a compliment? At the same time because well look how creative our minds are. Lol You’re right, I’ve never heard about the flexing but I’ve heard about touching things certain number of times or like touch the door or floor to get rid of bad thoughts. Maybe you can tackle your flexing like someone would to stop tapping walls and doors? I’m trying to get over my fear of hantavirus like someone with a fear of other viruses would or blood. I’m scared of feces, tears, mucous but somehow okay with blood. Seriously really strange this OCD fella is. As for the hospital, the day I was to be discharged, I was diagnosed with BPD. I was given a choice to stay for the weekend or leave that day. They were trying to get me into DBT therapy. But after I weighed my option I decided to leave. But here’s the problem. My friend couldn’t come until later in the day like 8 to help me check things but the hospital wanted me to leave at 3. So I had to do everything on my own and I really hated it. Then again I also had double visions due to one of my eyes being “lazy”. The first time I was admitted, I had a panic attack in the ER, had to wait to talk to psychiatrists, meanwhile having me move all over the place, and while I was still trying to calm down from my panic attack and feeling anxious about being in the psychiatric department for the first time, I wasn’t coherent and wasn’t able to articulate when I was interviewed. So of course they asked me if I wanted to be admitted but again if I didn’t they would Involuntarily admit me. I’m saddened by your experience at the hospital. They are so insensitive and that’s the last thing we need to get better. I’m sorry you ad that experience but glad? They wanted you out lol you are brave and strong! You can get better and you will. I try to be optimistic but it’s a downward battle for me, at least for now.