How have people here kept their faith throughout this? I have prayed hundreds upon hundreds of times and received no help. I've just watched this get worse and worse while I beg for it to end. Whenever I rarely try praying again I get no help with every single time. (I'm a christian)

Hi friends. I recently had a relapse with OCD and I haven’t felt that real intense pain/fear/panic since I was first diagnosed 3 years ago. It was awful. I’ve been on medication and going to therapy for some time, and I am happy to report I have grown a lot. Long story short, it’s just become a burden for me recently trying to understand why this had to happen to me (and all of you). When I first started following Jesus, it was such a spiritual high. I had so much peace and joy, and I think within that first year with Him I became obsessed with the Bible and learning as much as I could. I think it was a sweet time, but suddenly a switch flipped. I became concerned that all my head knowledge, though I took to heart, became all I cared about. Then all the intrusive thoughts started, and you know the rest. I was relieved when I got my diagnosis, to know that scrupulosity is even a thing. But today, I sit and realize my OCD has taken on other forms (existential/fear of going insane) and then of course I started asking God “why me?”. And then… of course.. I feel bad for asking that. And then it triggered that same old feeling that I’m not in right standing with God. It’s so meta I can’t take it. Does anyone wonder why this had to be? I know the typical answers “we live in a broken world” and “God will use this for His glory” but is anyone just able to sit in that frustration, and work it out? I want to keep fighting, try understanding, like there’s this itch in me that I need to “figure out” something. But I know God isn’t the voice that’s speaking that to me. But gosh, it’s so brutal and hard. I believe God is carrying me through this. 2 Corinthians 12 has been a blessing for this. I just feel so weak. I get upset this is happening, start doubting God, and then feel guilty. It’s a stupid cycle and I see it. I have a very intellectual mind, and I find that most people with this kind of OCD share this trait. But it’s like, the logic doesn’t help. I just want God to sit in my bedroom and tell me it’s real, my faith is intact, and to keep trusting. I don’t know why He won’t do that for me, and I feel guilty for even feeling that way. Anyways, I don’t know what I’m seeking here, but for anyone feeling this way, know you’re not alone. I deeply love you all, even though we are all strangers. 1 Peter 5:9… right?

I really want to die The only thing that keeps me here are my children I can't do that to them... But the torture is unreal... My quality of life is destroyed ritual after ritual after ritual. It's like I have two minds. I want to be normal but the other side of my mind says no! I will not let you be freaking normal You will obey my command and do your rituals everyday out of fear! I can't take it anymore I really just want to die! I pray to God everyday but there hasn't been any answers from him. I'm a devout Christian and a Jesus follower. Where is my Savior? Why does God and Jesus keep on letting us live this way through torture? I feel like I'm a blasphemer for saying that, I'm done I need help! Like we all do!

I dont want this anymore. I can't do this every day, 24 hours a day. I even have nightmares of it. I feel bullied by my own mind. I am convinced it's a demonic spirit, or a stronghold. I am not sure. Whatever God is speaking to me I'm not getting it. I feel sick and depleted. I am afraid of loosing my teeth or something because of grinding so hard in my sleep. I gain weight even though I'm eating right and taking steps purely from stess; I never knew a person could be so stressed. My eyes are twitching, my skin is horrible, my thoughts never stop. I have intrusive thoughts of "giving my ..... to ". I'm not going to fill in the blanks because my mind won't let me. I dont understand what God wants and what He is saying to me. Does anyone else with Religious OCD experience the same thing? I bring this to Christ daily but I'm so so desperate and alone and scared. My whole body is in pain from stress, like it's clenched. I know Christ is in control, but dear God in Heaven just answer me already. Set me free. I'm turning 22 in a week. God just set me free.