I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with a POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC movements. I'm ashamed of white people honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I'm personally ashamed of my ethnicity. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered? Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you." And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this dialogue in my head, I'm anxious and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person think "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid, or dislike POC, I'm way to overly cautious and it's actually coming across as racist I'm sure. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way of my empathy. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this.

ButterflyStar

Date posted: 4y

Hey! Yeah you're not alone in that. I'm the exact same, and many others have this exact type of theme. Fearing that they are a racist. As you know, OCD goes against our morals and what we actually believe. To overcome this you treat it like every other OCD theme, with ERP. Are you in therapy? You can bring up this post, exactly how you're written it, and your therapist will help you with ERP =). P. S. I don't think you should be ashamed of your ethnicity. That's really sad. You didn't choose your race. Just like we don't want anyone else to be ashamed of their race,neither should you.

canigetawitness

Date posted: 4y

I know we say it's our OCD, but I feel like I'm just making up an excuse or something, I dk. Like, two months ago I didn't have this problem, but now it's pretty bad. I guess I shouldn't say I'm ashamed of my race, but I am ashamed of how my race has contributed to the oppression of POC. Racism is a real thing. It's tricky, living with OCD and then a subtype like this popping up.

canigetawitness

Date posted: 4y

@canigetawitness Or is it even a subtype, it could just be me. Thanks though, I might bring it up to my therapist. I feel pretty shitty even discussing it with people close to me though. In fact, I haven't.

ButterflyStar

Date posted: 4y

@canigetawitness Yeah it is ocd and I too fear its. Not really ocd, that maybe it's true about me! But isn't that just like everyone on here. Everyone with their theme worries that deep down maybe they are attracted to children, or maybe deep down they are gay, or maybe deep down the will harm their loved ones because OF THE THOUGHTS. it is horrible, and goes against everything in our core. But we have ocd and a door to recovery. It takes time... But things can improve =)

garden

Date posted: 4y

You sound like a very lovely person being so cautious of this

garden

Date posted: 4y

That being said, you still deserve to be free of all this anxiety

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

How are you doing now? I know this is an old thread but I've been struggling with some of the same issues and wondering if you have been able to find any relief? Thanks :)

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