When I was 14 there was this instance when I was very much in the wrong and then turned it around and made myself the victim. I won’t say how but it wasn’t right. At the time I didn’t see how fucked up and truly manipulative that was. It’s hard to move on knowing I let that happen and that I was capable of that because it wasn’t right at all. And the fact that it didn’t phase me is even worse. I don’t know what to do now because I just feel so plagued by that (and who I was in general back then).

Thank you. I’m just scared this event defines me as a narcissist or sociopath. It was so terrible. I wish this was just a dream I could wake up from. I’d never ever do it again but that doesn’t bring me peace because I still did it once.

@garden Good people can make mistakes. Sometimes big ones and don't beat yourself up for not caring that much when you were 14. Teens don't have all the moral insight to understand the bad results of all their actions. It can take time, but the fact you feel it now means you are by no means a sociopath. A sociopath would never come to the conclusion they were wrong. They might get to a point they understand why society thinks its wrong but they lack the ability to see it as the same themselves. The mere fact you don't want to do it again shows you have morality even if it took time to develop. Theres ways you can reduce guilt. You can apologize to the person if possible. Theres of course consequences that can happen depending on the situation if you did, depending on the nature of the situation and how that individual will take the apology so do keep that in mind. If you don't want to go that route you can try doing good deeds like volunteering to help people in need, just being there for people you know who need someone, giving money to charity, and though not required, forming some spirituality or religious views can help too in some circumstances. You can recover from this and lead a good productive life. You just have to find the path and stick to it.

@PRYM Thanks. It was sort of a group so it’s hard to apologise. This was years ago and they didn’t seem to phased about it. We just all moved on and have been alright since. But I’m not sure they realise how manipulative the thing was... I mean it took me so long to figure that out too. Nobody was directly hurt by it, but it was still very wrong. And while dealing with real event ocd about it, I also can’t stop thinking about what this means about me. That might be the hardest part.