Hey guys! Trigger warning because I don’t want anyone to read this and adopt a new intrusive thought! So I’ve been struggling recently with something that seems pretty unique, and I could really use any help I can get with this thought. Basically, a little while back, I all of a sudden had this thought that nothing matters, because at the end of the day, we are all going to die anyways. Since then, any time I start getting really excited or if I start feeling depressed about something, that intrusive thought pops into my head. It tells me that there’s no point in feeling anything deeply because it’s not a big deal and life is short. I know some people might say this is a good way to look at things that stress you out, but it’s really really starting to affect me in the realm of things that make me happy too. I’ll get excited to move in with my bf, and then this thought pops in intrusively and I immediately feel nothing now. I’m struggling to start my schoolwork that I was looking forward to doing well on because this way of thinking tells me it doesn’t even matter to finish my degree and be passionate about it, because I’m just going to die someday and this doesn’t matter. The things that made me excited before, now don’t simply because of this very thought. Not to be dramatic, but this one thought has changed my entire mindset and is literally changing my life. I really really really need help with this. It’s causing me not to feel like I used to, and I’m scared for how the rest of my life will feel now that I’ve adopted this intrusive thought.😢

I’m currently reading existential psychotherapy by Irvin yalom. In his chapter.. “meaninglessness” the first paragraph he describes about a man who ended his life because he truly was overwhelmed with the “meaninglessness of life” and how doing absolutely anything was meaningless because it ended it death. The questions drove him insane and he committed. This was stated in this book and he also stated multiple people did end there life’s during an overwhelming meaning crisis. Please help. If anyone has been through this please reach out. I have stopped going to my nursing shifts. I’ve lost all hope. I believe I’m going through a horrible existential crisis. I’ve suffered from ocd my whole life but I think this might not be existential ocd. I can’t seem to create meaning in my life. I can’t seem to live without us having an inherent meaning. No answers or anything is helping. I’m really struggling. Please.

I keep thinking about life and death and all that stuff and it’s making me so upset. I keep thinking about how one day im probably going to be old and on my death bed or something and my whole life will be nothing but a memory and im so scared for that day. i wont have my parents and my younger siblings wont have any of us. time feels like its moving too fast like i feel every second pass and think about how i can never get that moment back and i cant slow down time or go back or even just pause it because its always going and theres nothing i can do about it. And then i start thinking about whats after death and get even more scared because if heaven is real then what is eternity? wont i get bored of doing the same things… forever? and if its not real then what happens is it just nothing? because thats even more scary i don’t want to be nothing because that also means the people i love will be nothing and i wont be able to be with them. And if it’s not that then is it reincarnation? will i have to do this all over again? will the souls of the people i love be with me in their new forms? is the sun “God” because the planets revolve around it and the stars are all of the passed souls? what does it feel like to be a star? will i even just know i died? i have so many questions and the fact that none have an answer and i just have to wait to find out drives me insane. i try to remind myself everyone before me and everyone after me will experience death and loss at one point in their life and that I’m not alone but it doesn’t help. nothing helps. ive had “episodes” like this before when i was around 10-14 about once a year always around May-June which is the month my great grandmother died and June is my birth month which i hate because yk… time passing and aging which i assume is why i always get worse around that time. i was able to kind of ignore or turn it off the past like 3 years but this month its just too much i cant even deal with it. maybe because I’m turning 18? idk but its been bothering me so much and its all i can think about. Even when i seem fine the thoughts are always in there somewhere and some days they’re easier to ignore and others it feels impossible. I just wish I was like those people who can just turn their thoughts off if they don’t like them. My mom says she can do that if she thinks about how her mom died or something she can tell herself she doesn’t want to think about that and just… turn it off?? and thats so shocking to me because i’ve begged a god I don’t even know if I believe in to stop my thoughts and she can just turn them off herself? I don’t have another therapy appointment until next week I wish I could talk to them everyday so it could work faster but instead i’m on here. So if anyone has any advice PLEASE give it to me. I’m so tired it’s making me not enjoy anything in life because it makes me feel like theres no point in anything but I want to feel normal and I want to enjoy things. Sorry for writing so much just had to get this out there. Also i’m not trying to seek reassurance btw I just wanna know how other people coped with this or similar issues😭

Hiya! A bit of a trigger warning. I recently had a thought of what if i died and this is the afterlife and it isn’t going away. it’s been a week or two. i don’t think i believe but but i also don’t know, i’m scared i’ve crossed the line of ocd to delusion. any comfort would be appreciated, thank you!