Hey guys! Trigger warning because I don’t want anyone to read this and adopt a new intrusive thought! So I’ve been struggling recently with something that seems pretty unique, and I could really use any help I can get with this thought. Basically, a little while back, I all of a sudden had this thought that nothing matters, because at the end of the day, we are all going to die anyways. Since then, any time I start getting really excited or if I start feeling depressed about something, that intrusive thought pops into my head. It tells me that there’s no point in feeling anything deeply because it’s not a big deal and life is short. I know some people might say this is a good way to look at things that stress you out, but it’s really really starting to affect me in the realm of things that make me happy too. I’ll get excited to move in with my bf, and then this thought pops in intrusively and I immediately feel nothing now. I’m struggling to start my schoolwork that I was looking forward to doing well on because this way of thinking tells me it doesn’t even matter to finish my degree and be passionate about it, because I’m just going to die someday and this doesn’t matter. The things that made me excited before, now don’t simply because of this very thought. Not to be dramatic, but this one thought has changed my entire mindset and is literally changing my life. I really really really need help with this. It’s causing me not to feel like I used to, and I’m scared for how the rest of my life will feel now that I’ve adopted this intrusive thought.😢

Hello, I am a young girl struggling with OCD, specifically existential related OCD. I feel constantly like my life is pointless, like my goals aren’t significant, because, I’m just going to be forgotten and die. What is the point? I don’t want to get old and not be able to do what I love. Sometimes I wonder if not existing would be easier, but I don’t want to die yet. It’s really confusing, and I’d love some tips I could get for motivation. I really want to be spiritual, but I struggle in believing in stuff so…?

I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"

Really bad theme right now is death, I keep thinking about how one day or at any moment my heart will stop my brain will stop & my memories & everything I know will all fade away. It is giving me so much anxiety I’m only 18, but I realize it all happens to us it is bound, we are born to die. I know it’s a silly thing to be scared because it’s not helping the quality of my life worrying about it and even when I do die, I won’t care , if you don’t have a working brain then how can you care 🤷‍♀️. It is tainting my everyday life currently & honestly making me terribly depressed & it is giving me derealization & making me feel nihilistic, I’ll remind myself it’s okay but then with my ocd i don’t stop thinking and thinking about it and it’s seriously so hard to stay present in the moment because this thought just feels like I can’t scrub it away it’s miserable I struggle with religion, but I do pray to anything that’s out there possibly listening, because it is comforting, it just feels like this whole experience Is pointless & I am afraid of the unknown and what is to possibly happen but I’m subjected to it anyways so why should it matter