It’s been 5 minutes since I’ve been forcing myself to not look up pregnancy symptoms. It’s hard. I don’t understand why I can’t just trust my iud, condoms and myself for being careful.

A few days ago, I posted how proud I am of myself, that I managed to go to the doctor to get a vaccination. Now, two days later, I find myself panicking and ruminating. It was a practice where they also test a lot for HIV and other blood diseases and in my mind, the needle/syringe they used for my vaccination was somehow contaminated with blood from another patient. Maybe by accident but sometimes my mind would make up a scenario where they would do it even on purpose. I was so proud of myself, that I managed to go there on Monday and now I am making up scenarios how I caught HIV by going there - I am feeling guilty because I was „careless“. Any tips for the moment? ❤️

so about a week ago around june 12 or 13 coming back from the beach i was having vulva pain on one of the lips then eventually i went to grandmas house and everytime i bent down or moved around i was having some sharp pain “down there” eventually i was scared and then it started to kinda hurt to pee… and i was like ok this is kinda worrying me eventually i forgot about it for two days it didn’t hurt but then i come back and start to have it again. so then i was like okay i’m just gonna schedule a doctors appointment. i schedule my doctors appointment got tested and i was negative for UTI but i was having bad lower back psi so they sent off a cultural test and told me a few days after that i have bacterial vaginosis so i was like ok i’m guessing to get antibiotics for it… i get the antibiotics yesterday theyre capsules i can’t swallow them but i cut them and put it in apple sauce where it was so gross the smell was awful and the taste was awful… atp i got a liquid i haven’t took it yet.. but my stomach has been hurting and had numbness and weird tingling feeling down there… where it’s scaring me and now my stomach hurts almost like cramps but it makes me so nervous… i keep thinking i have ovarian cancer or some type of cancer or a cyst or kidney stones… even tho they told me i have bacterial vaginosis somehow i can’t believe them… but i soon start my period on the 30th and my OCD gets so bad 2 weeks before my period and symptoms start a week before my period… idk i’ve never had this OCD go out for so long but like my urine looks fine it’s just when i pee now it’s almost feels weird idk my stomach is hurting rn when i lay down and i’ve been freaking out ugh. and this morning i had sorenness down there… i also had some inner thigh pain… i can’t stop googling i keep thinking it’s something worse than i have from what the doctor told me

So basically, I’ve been with my husband six years already I’m 24 and he’s 25th. We don’t have that much money at the moment but I’m trying to work as hard as I can to save so when I become a mom I can be able to stay at home. But last week our condom broke during my ovulation period and I’m afraid I may be pregnant. My husband say that he loves me but he doesn’t want babies at this moment and he want me to drink something to take “care” of it. I don’t want to but he said we don’t have money and he’s not able to give us the life he wants for us. I’m having suicidal thoughts and my anxiety it’s just driving me crazy. I don’t know what can I do to calm down and stop thinking about it cuz it’s driving me crazy .