Hey! I would really appreciate some advice. If it seems like I am asking for reassurance, you don't have to answer but my current theme is fear of rebelling and fear of being called lame and rebelling. It all started when I couldn't stop thinking of this guy I knew in high school. I went to a small Christian school and his mom was my Bible teacher but I knew that he was having sex before marriage and it really bothered me. He seemed proud and I felt like I was being judged by him in my head all the time. Like he was making fun of me for being so innocent. This morphed into my brothers friends and others making fun of me in my head for all sorts of things, my job, my bedroom decor, my values, all sorts of things and it made me fear that I wanted to start doing all sorts of bad things to prove to them that I wasn't a goody two shoes. Ir made me feel so anxious because I just wanted to be good and not think about what anyone else was or wasn't doing. It made me distresssed and is still my theme todat. It makes me avoid things that may get me made fun of like my job (selling clothes), asking my family to play board games, anything that may seem too young, shopping with my mom etc. not bc I don't like those things but bc I am really afraid of someone who is doing things I disprove of making fun of me and me going crazy (and doung worse things that are awful and would land me jn jail) to show I am not too childish or broing or something. It's ruining my life. :( Also please don't judge my values, I am not trying to judge you if you have done any of the things I disprove of, these are just things I would really prefer not to do :/ and something that is making me anxious

I know :/ i guess its just my ocd that makes me fear if they make fun of me i will go crazy. Its not that i want to. At least i dont think but im really afraid i will

@Anonymous Hmmm there’s lots of uncertainty around this so it’s a good topic for your ocd to pick on!

@garden Yeah I guess you are right. I'm probably just trying to look for reassurance. Its hard to tell sometimes 😄

@Anonymous Totally get that. Maybe you could challenge that by stepping forwards and accepting the uncertainty around what you fear. Say to yourself ‘maybe [thing you fear] will happen, maybe it won’t’.

I guess I'm not entirely sure. I just wondered if this even sounded like OCD because I end up avoiding things that you wouldn't think I would.

And it worries me that what I fear is being good instead of bad :/

@Anonymous Sounds like your worries are mainly social. ERP would mean sitting with that fear of people not liking you/thinking well of you and just letting it exist, right? Could that be your starting point?

@babbie I guess so. I just fear I will rebel bc of them not liking me

@babbie Does it sound like I fear people not liking me more then being bad? I am afraid I will act out. Im really scared

@Anonymous I can’t diagnose you but it could be ocd. I for a while feared people talking about me or judging me so I would avoid being on any line alone or ordering something myself at a restaurant, or being at the mall with my parents, now when I look back at it I wasted so much precious time worrying about nothing instead of enjoying what was actually happening. Ocd eventually became worst and it took away my love for playing guitar and talking to friends, watching tv shows and movies, that’s when I reached out to therapy and the recovery process was not easy but it was worth it and with the help of therapy and the grace of God I was able to regain my life and do the things I love, don’t let ocd or anything tell you how to live your life, just be who you want to be and if you feel somethings wrong seek help. I wish you luck and may God bles you always buddy

@NOCD Advocate - Cesar O. Thank you. I am diagnosed with OCD and have a therapist I just have never heard someone else with my theme and that scares me

@Anonymous There’s always someone out there that has felt what you’ve felt. I used to think people would judge me when I was in class but that was the beginning of my ocd, I should have treated it sooner but I honestly thought i was just weak or prone to anxiety. I feel you friend. Please listen to your therapist, erp is the best treatment. Be courageous and that fear you have turn it into courage to stand up against ocd.

@NOCD Advocate - Cesar O. Thank you 💓