Dont know if I should post this but, I am having bad real event OCD. When I was younger 7/8? I kissed my niece (we're the same age) and when I was 11, (she was 11 too) Or maybe I was 12? Not sure. Anyways, when I was 11 or 12, I told her "lets play a game called "fix"" where I told her to wrap her leg around me, Now I am experiencing guilt, I feel like I deserve to be punished, killed, shamed, the guilt is so bad its getting in the way of my life, I really need help.

Yeah im in therapy for it, but I still fill guilty about it because I also did it with my nephew, except we only got naked. But also because I feel like im a bad person for doing it. The guilt is the fact I did it and how I ruined mine and their life.

My bad spelt feel wrong.

@Dan Ok, we all do some questionable things when we are younger. A lot of us have our first kiss with family members or same sex when we're younger if people would be honest. Playing house or whatever with cousins being curious or even hormonal adolescents. You're not alone at all. Be kind to yourself, what is your therapist recommending you do about this?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Nothing as of now, only had one talk with him about it, he just told me we all make mistakes, thats what makes us human.

@Dan I know it sounds blah but nobody that's alive will walk this earth without making atleast one. I hope that you'll be able to forgive yourself for this. I suffer with this and I think every human being does as well. We are our own worst critic and enemy. Your niece and nephew, are they doing ok? Do they communicate with you?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Yeah they do

@Dan Are you triggered by them at all? Have you asked for reassurance about the incidents?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Yes I have, alot

@Dan 😓 ok, we have to try not to do this because that's feeding the obsession. Can you share with them about your OCD or perhaps ask your therapist if one of them(if they would like) could sit in on a session just to understand how to help you by not giving you reassurance.

@Dan I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I understand completely what real life events can do to your mind, judging your character and just completely full of guilt. But at least you're taking the steps in the right direction with therapy. Be sure to inform your therapist about everything, the reassurance seeking, depression, etc. He'll give you the tools you'll need to overcome this

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Im gonna be honest here, im tired of the pain. I cant take it anymore, it gets to the point where I want to kill myself, youre one of the few people I told this to, I attempted suicide because of it once.

@Dan I know all too well about this pain, it's something none of us would ever wish on another. Are you feeling this way now!

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Sometimes its good sometimes its bad

@Dan I want to share something with you. I don't know if you believe in a higher power or anything but I do. There aren't any mistakes in the people that are here now, you have a purpose! I get so emotional when I think about what mental health disorders can do to us. I bet you're brilliant! What are your hobbies?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Dont really have any hobbies besides gaming, ive been working to become an actor

@Dan Oh wow, that's cool. Gaming is hard to me but I'm old and stuck in my ways... Maybe too old to learn to game

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Oh lol, but do you find it weird that I did that stuff with my niece and nephew? I kissed my niece when we were 7 or 8 and yknow that stuff when we were 11, and at 9-10 I *almost* had intercourse with my nephew (we only got unclothed) the guilt is the fact I did it, and the fact my niece remembers it.

@Dan Does she blame you for ruining her life or is that what OCD wants you to think?

@Dan Nothing is “weird” because nothing actually is “normal” lmbo

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle I blame myself, me and her and my nephew have a good relationship its just the guilt I feel for doing it

@Dan I’m more concerned that you tried to not be alive anymore over this. If they both talk to you, you have to try to forgive yourself for what you’ve convinced yourself is unforgivable

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Is it not a normal reason to? Heres my view on it, it makes me feel like I forced her, which I didnt and what doesnt help with the nephew thing is I suffer from HOCD.

@Dan Understood! I suffer from SOOCD as well. I really don’t want you to overthink these situations and OCD is really working overtime with these thoughts. Practice some self compassion and acceptance that these thoughts do exist and that these things did happen but they don’t have to mean so much to you and cause you so much pain. Has your therapist suggested writing an imaginal script (yes they both are real events but go deeper with the outcomes of both situations) and reciting it repeatedly?

@Dan I’ve had to dive into this for POCD and it was really hard but it’s starting to work for me. Just remember it’s all a process...a tedious one at that... but the end result is definitely worth the work.

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Ok thanks

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Do you think I should end my life over it?

@Dan Heck no! Thoughts aren’t threats, they don’t mean anything. You haven’t done anything wrong. Do you and your therapist communicate between sessions?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Via text or email?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle We communicate in person, if that was your question. I just feel like im a bad person for it. Ive heard stories of other people experimenting with kin but it always makes me feel like im the only one who has done it and im a scumbag

@Dan Nope sorry you aren’t alone. OCD, anxiety, depression can all make us feel like we are alone, isolated and that ours is so different than anyone else’s. My question was more like, can you contact him on a daily basis if need be, just to check in and get some guidance in your treatment?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle Oh no, I cant sadly

@Dan Is he with NOCD?

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle No, hes not an OCD specialist though. Hes a behavioral therapist.

@NOCD Advocate - Danielle But the thing that is fueling the ocd is she remembers it.

@Dan I understand now, I hope you’ll be able to find some peace after a little more work with your therapist Dan. I believe you can conquer this thing!